T. GAMBLE: The Mad Pooper is on the run in Colorado

For most of my life, I have lived in the country or away from many neighbors. On occasion, however, I have lived in cities, including Atlanta for over a year.

In the country you can do just about anything you want. You can walk out in the yard naked or pee by the mailbox and the only person that will care is your wife or, perhaps, your yard dog. See, in the country you have yard dogs and house dogs. In the city you really usually only have house dogs or no dogs.

I have one yard dog, Fathead the mostly Rottweiler. He would not make a very good house dog. I might pee by the mailbox but he likes to pee on the furniture, so that explains why he is my only yard dog; that and the fact it is very unbecoming to have dinner guests over and Fathead decide to help himself to part of their steak or, if it’s a bad day, part of them.

But, in the city, if you have a house dog, you must walk them to let them “do their business.” I guess it is sad that the only business a dog does is referencing a No. 2.

Maybe I’ll start referencing Congress the same way. “Well, I see they are in session. I guess soon they will start to do their business.”

Anyway, I digress.

The best way to really fire up a neighbor is to let Fido “do their business” in the neighbor’s yard without cleaning it up. You’d be better off to Roundup their yard than to leave such a distasteful reminder of Fido’s visit.

In the country, I don’t have such a problem, but it is possible I could encounter the same problem as Cathy Budde has in Colorado Springs, Colo. You see, for the last seven weeks a female jogger has been jogging around Cathy’s house and then “doing her business” in Cathy’s yard. Cathy has put up a sign in her yard that says “please quit pooping in my yard.”

Note to Cathy, it may be time to consider a new neighborhood if you must put up a sign that says please quit pooping in my yard.

Cathy has not been able to nab the woman in the act, although I’m not sure she would want to. Local people now refer to her as “The Mad Pooper.” Other neighbors now report the Mad Pooper has also done the same thing in their yards.

I suspect the town may need to pass a new law or something to stop this woman. Then again, it is Colorado and perhaps over there a person has a right to do such a thing, I’m not sure.

All I know is I would not suggest dating the Mad Pooper. And, I definitely would not go on a nice run with her. In fact, this is one more reason why I will not begin to jog. Who knows? She may be starting a real back to nature trend.

That’s another reason I have Fathead the yard dog. I don’t think the Mad Pooper would enjoy herself in my yard as much as she seems to enjoy Ms. Budde’s yard.

Oh well, I hope they apprehend the Mad Pooper, but until they do remember watch what you complain about. It can always be worse.

Email T. Gamble at [email protected].