T GAMBLE: Trick or treat is made for sugar highs, not healthy snacks

I have been reading various comments lately from famous people about Halloween candy. Some tell their favorite candy and some tell the ones they hate the most.

Coach Mike Leach of Mississippi State recently added his views. He hates candy corn and loves gummy bears. There is no news on whether he likes traditional gummy bears or the more modern Colorado gummy bears, but I assume he means the original version. If you know Leach he is somewhat off the wall, so I can’t be sure.

For some reason I’d say candy corn ranks very high on hated Halloween candy lists. I’m not sure why. It is not my favorite either, but I find it to be sort of run-of-the-mill. Maybe that’s why. Who wants to get a run-of-the-mill candy on Halloween? People need to read the lists and quit traumatizing young kids with candy corn.

People also need to jettison the belief that maybe we need to give some healthy treats instead, as candy isn’t good for little kids. Oh brother, for crying out loud, it is Halloween. The holiday was created so kids could get fat and get enough candy to eat for eight weeks and drive parents crazy with daily sugar highs.

Of course, most parents also eat the candy, gain 10 pounds and get sugar highs. Trying to give healthy treats is like going to the Ryan’s Steak House buffet to eat and maintaining your diet. You can look at a Ryan’s yeast roll and gain 2 pounds. Drinking a diet coke with the buffet will not counteract two fried chicken breasts, a full plate of potatoes and gravy, and a pecan pie.

Nothing in the world can be more deflating to a kid than to receive an apple or an orange while trick-or-treating. They come for skittles and Reese’s peanut butter cups, and sweet tarts, and jaw breakers, and bubble gum. In law school, I did not anticipate a deluge of trick-or-treaters and had not bought any candy. I had nothing to offer except my roommate and I had a large jar of pennies. So, desperate times call for desperate measures, and I just poured a bunch of pennies in each kid’s container. My roommate had a fit when he found out, as it turns out I had given away the emergency beer money. I’m not exactly sure what the kids thought about the whole thing. I just know I almost lost a lifetime friendship, literally, over a bunch of pennies.

I assume trick or treat will go on this year as usual. After all, Dr. Fauci will be happy, as everyone will have on a mask. But, please, no candy corn this year. I’ll add to the list no licorice, especially black. If necessary, just pour some Dixie Crystal sugar into a ziplock bag and give it to them. Better yet, buy the sugar cubes like folks feed horses and give that to them. You are only young once. Who wants to waste it by missing out on sugar highs?