CREEDE HINSHAW: Popularity of ‘religious funerals’ in decline

I will be preaching a funeral this weekend for a person I never met. Preachers do this with some regularity, and in this case, I also never met anybody in the family. The call came from a good friend, and I couldn’t refuse.

Fewer people, according to statistics and interviews with funeral directors across the country, want a clergyperson involved in a funeral. A 2008 American Religious Identification survey of 6,000 Americans revealed 27% of U.S. adults say they don’t want a religious funeral service. I suspect the numbers are higher now.

I can’t say that I was particularly surprised by the survey. Fewer people want the trappings of organized religion; a person who has spent his or her whole life avoiding the church will likely have no need of religion when it comes to a burial. Nevertheless, it still comes as something of a shock to consider more than one-fourth of Americans are rejecting the notion of a religious service.

There could be another reason many people want nothing to do with a clergyperson or a “religious funeral” (whatever that may mean.) It could be that people have endured way too many very bad funerals where they’ve heard terrible theology over the years. I have not only officiated at hundreds of funerals, I have also attended hundreds of funerals over the years. I hate to report that I have walked out of way too many funerals shaking my head and feeling sorry for the family (and myself) who had to hear such unconnected nonsense.

Earlier this week, I began preparing for this funeral service by initiating a conversation with the family of the deceased person. Before I could even begin asking what themes they might want to convey, they told me quite emphatically what they did NOT want me to say. They did not want to hear “your loved one is in a better place.” They did not want to hear, “This was all a part of God’s plan.” They had probably either been depressed by other funerals or had suffered through terrible theology in a Sunday sermon.

I told them that I appreciated their feedback and not to worry … those words have never crossed my lips in a funeral sermon or a Sunday sermon. They are insensitive at best and bad theology at worst. I wouldn’t want them spoken at my funeral either. It is too bad that somebody made them wary enough to have to verbalize this.

Like this family, I could quickly draw up a list of things I don’t want said or done at my funeral, including long-winded eulogies, preacher platitudes and somber and overly officious funeral directors. A funeral is a sacred event; it should be planned and approached and conducted with great thought, sensitivity and prayer. No amount of sacred sensitivity will convince all Americans to have a religious funeral service, but good funerals, prayerfully conducted, might influence others when it comes time for a family to start planning.