CREEDE HINSHAW: Why funerals take so long

When a friend described a funeral he had recently attended I asked him how long the service lasted. With a groan he replied that it was an hour and 15 minutes long.

In some cultural settings a funeral lasting that long is acceptable, even required. But in the tradition out of which I come a funeral of that length will leave people fidgeting, sneaking peeks at their watches and even texting.

When I help a family plan a funeral they inevitably say, “Preacher, we don’t want this funeral to last too long.” Usually what they have in mind is a service lasting perhaps half an hour, 40 minutes maximum. Never in four decades of ministry has a family said to me, “We’d like to stretch this thing out.”

The problem is that the family members who sincerely want a short service are the same people who then lobby for elements that can stretch the service to the fidgeting stage. Many things can overextend a funeral: too many musical selections, too many hymns, even too much scripture. But the two most common time-stretching funeral elements are the preachers themselves and the presence of speakers other than the preacher.

Let’s start with the preachers. The problem here is most often apparent when more than one preacher is involved in the funeral. I attended a service recently where three clergy spoke. That’s almost always a recipe for a lengthy service because clergy have a tendency to want to top the previous speaker if possible. Perhaps one of the preachers is the current pastor, one is a beloved former pastor and the third is a seventh cousin of the deceased.

In this particular service the first pastor to speak was one of the pastors on staff at the church. His funeral role was simple, or should have been: read some scripture, offer a brief prayer and sit down. But no. This person rambled on and on, telling the congregation how well he knew the deceased while adding very little to the service except stress level on the other two clergypersons waiting to speak.

Regarding the funeral mentioned at the outset of this column, the problem there was too many friends spoke. Early in my ministry laypersons never spoke. Now family and/or friends are almost expected to have a speaking part. Some of these speakers are incredibly moving, well prepared and appropriate. But too often speakers weep, speak inaudibly or make the congregation cringe by telling inappropriate stories better left unsaid. Most stories told in a funeral service are better reserved for the visitation.

The best funeral services will have a timeless feel to them even as eternity is timeless. A funeral takes place in the context of a worship service where God is glorified, resurrection is proclaimed and the deceased is lovingly remembered. Multiple speakers/leaders will not automatically detract from a service, but judicious planning, including making tough choices on speaking assignments, will almost always guarantee a far more pleasing service.

Email columnist Creede Hinshaw, a retired Methodist minister, at [email protected].