MANDY FLYNN: Things no one tells yo

Her voice was a little raised and demeanor kind of miffed when a young, newly married woman I’d never met before revealed to me that no one told her marriage would be hard. Surely she was joking, I thought. No. No, she wasn’t.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked, and I wondered if she meant to be rhetorical or if she truly, honestly believed someone should have made a point to tell her that being married isn’t always sunshine and roses. I thought carefully before I opened my mouth.

“Nothing worth having is easy,” I said. There. That sounded profound. I was sure someone important had said it before, but couldn’t recall who. I should look it up.

Seemingly unimpressed with my feeble attempt to help, she frowned. I actually felt a little sorry for her, but not because she said she didn’t like having to share a bathroom with her new spouse or that he would rather watch football than go to Hobby Lobby. Because she was … well … clueless. That’s harsh. Maybe she’s naive. I’ll let you choose.

“Hopefully you will get used to sharing things,” I said. “And I’m afraid there may be lots of other things you don’t know yet about being married and about life in general that no one’s ever told you.” Sympathetic enough? There were plenty of things no one told me before I got married, had children, lived. I don’t recall being mad at anyone, or even mildly irritated. Some things you have to learn on your own.

Like, why didn’t someone tell me my husband wouldn’t be able to read my mind? When I say nothing’s wrong, shouldn’t he know that I really mean something is wrong and if he knew me at all he would know that?

Why didn’t someone tell me he will forget to tell me important things, and then tell me only after I ask him why he didn’t tell me, to which he will reply “I just did” and I will want to strangle him?

Why didn’t someone tell me his idea of cleaning the kitchen and my idea of cleaning the kitchen are two entirely different ideas?

Why didn’t someone tell me how hard it is to get sweat stains out of his workout t-shirts?

Why didn’t someone tell me how excruciatingly painful it is to give birth, and that I would get amnesia and do it all over again?

Why didn’t someone tell me I’m supposed to take the giblet packet out of the turkey before I cook it?

Why didn’t someone tell me babies poop … a lot?

Why didn’t someone tell me how much my heart would hurt when I see my children cry?

Why didn’t someone tell me he will laugh when I tell him I fell in the toilet in the middle of the night because he left the seat up, and I will want to strangle him?

Why didn’t someone tell me we will argue and fuss and not agree on everything, and that’s perfectly okay?

Why didn’t someone tell me … oh, a million things?

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked.

If I had to do it over again, I probably would tell her that marriage and life is hard, but it can be a whole lot of wonderful, too. It’s up to you what you focus on.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. … I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

Theodore Roosevelt said that.

I looked it up.

email lifestyles columnist Mandy Flynn at [email protected].