MARY BRASWELL: Looking back at quotes about food, family and football

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the year and recognize the blessings we have been given. As for tradition, nothing says Thanksgiving more than food, family and football. Here are quotes from recognizable names regarding the trio of topics.

FOOD

“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” — Julia Child

“Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.” — Andy Rooney

“It is difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.” — Lewis Grizzard

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” — Erma Bombeck

“Part of the secret of success is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” — Mark Twain

“The wine had such ill effects on Noah’s health that it was all he could do to live 950 years. Show me a total abstainer who has ever lived that long.” — Will Rogers

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.” — Jim Davis

“Never eat more then you can lift.” — Miss Piggy

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” — Mark Twain

“Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche.” — Lewis Grizzard

“An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” — Will Rogers

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

“Hors D’oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.” — Jack Benny

“Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is.” — Irish Proverb

“My belly button is here so food won’t fall out of me. I buttoned it this morning.” — Lucy, age 3

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” — Oscar Wilde

QUIK QUIZ

Who is credited with this quote from 1949?

“There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s the wife who can’t cook and will.”

a) Bob Hope

b) Robert Frost

c) Will Rogers

d) E.E. Cummings

Answer at the end of the column.

FAMILY

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” — Michael J. Fox

“Families are like fudge — mostly sweet with a few nuts.” — Anonymous

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family — in another city.” — George Burns

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance — waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope

“A man can’t make a place for himself in the sun if he keeps taking refuge under the family tree.” — Helen Keller

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” — Charles Swindoll

“The way you help heal the world is you start with your own family.” — Mother Theresa

“Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space and the mother with closet space.” — Evan Esar

“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.” — Confucius

“The advantages of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” — Robert Brault

“Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren.” — Art Linkletter

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” — Harry S Truman

FOOTBALL

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” — Erma Bombeck

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann

“I have two weapons; my arms, my legs and my brain.” — Michael Vick

“When you get old, everything is hurting. When I get up in the morning, it sounds like I’m making popcorn.” — Lawrence Taylor

“Quarterbacks make their living on third downs and in the red zone.” — Matt Ryan

“I found that prayers work best when you have big players.” — Knute Rockne

“I’ve been big ever since I was little.” — William ‘The Refrigerator’ Perry

“The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.” — Phyllis Diller

“I like linebackers. I collect ’em. You can’t have too many good ones.” — Bill Parcells

“I resigned as the Broncos head coach because of illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of me.” — John Ralston

“I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.” — President Gerald Ford

“The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.” — Spider Lockhart

“Mentally, the only players who survive in the pros are the ones able to manage all their responsibilities.” — Tom Brady

“When you win, nothing hurts.” — Joe Namath

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they’re bigger than everybody else, and that’s what makes them the biggest guys on the field.” — John Madden

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” — Terry Bradshaw

“You’ve got a goal in life. I’ve got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.” — Groucho Marx

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times are 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck

QUIK QUIZ ANSWER: b) Robert Frost

Each week Albany Herald researcher Mary Braswell looks for interesting events, places and people from the past. You can contact her at (229) 888-9371 or [email protected]. Follow @ABH_MBraswell on Twitter