CARLTON FLETCHER: TV preachers go for the wallets, not the souls

Not a trace of doubt in my mind. … I’m a believer.

— The Monkees

I was flipping through the TV channels late the other night — two things about that: 1) Bruce, we now miss those days of “57 channels and nothing on” … more like 487 channels now, but still nothing on; and 2) my 12-year-old gets aggravated if I go through channels individually instead of using the handy guide, which I can’t seem to manipulate without all kinds of issues, so I just go it old-school — and I came upon a TV preacher.

Now, listening to a fire-and-brimstone screamer on TV used to be one of those unavoidable quirks you’d go through as pennance for owning a TV, at least until the money-grubbers took control of the gospel airwaves and spoke a lot less about saving your soul and a whole lot more about sending them money.

The guy I saw the other night was in the latter camp.

I usually wouldn’t waste more than a few seconds of my time listening to some huckster try and convince the uneducated that he alone has the keys to the Kingdom — and he’s willing to make you a copy for the right price — but this guy was so slick I stuck around for a while. I wish I hadn’t for a couple of reasons: 1) That’s about 12 minutes of my life I wasted and will never get back, and 2) I got my blood pressure up listening to this guy’s spiel.

Here’s the gist of it: So what if you have hardships here on Earth, have trouble paying your bills on your paycheck-to-paycheck budget? The real glory comes when you leave here.

Therefore, you’re denying God’s will in your life by withholding funds you should be sending to the preacher man. Just send your money, have a little faith and the Good Lord will not only take care of you in this Earthly realm, He’ll have your back in the hereafter.

I visualized some little old lady in Iowa sending what little money she had left from her Social Security check — money that would buy her meager groceries — to this clown to assure that his ministry would continue to thrive.

I did a little Web research on Dr. Righteous the next day and found that his relatively small-scale TV gospel enterprise netted him more than a half-million dollars a year, allowing him to live a lifestyle that most of his viewers would never dare dream of. His website — which also solicited donations — showed photos of the good reverend with his family in their fancy home and of Mr. and Mrs. Righteous’ identical his and hers BMWs with vanity license plates.

And I wondered how this man had the gall to broadcast a message emphasizing meager Earthly living that leads to heavenly reward when he certainly wasn’t practicing what he preached. Of course, no doubt anticipating such a question, the pastor explained on his website that, “God expects His chosen to show by example what believers can expect in heaven if they do His will on Earth.”

I call that the old do as I say, not as I do theory.

This TV huckster is not the only person I’ve encountered in my lifetime who passes himself off as a messenger of God with a message of “Gimme, gimme, gimme.” I’ve read news story after news story that offers sickening accounts of greed-inspired acts by men and women who are church leaders.

The Jerry Falwells, Jim Bakkers, Jimmy Swaggarts and Paul Crouches are only the most famous, they’re by no means alone in their hypocrisy. Heck, I’ve heard tales — by a number of people who swear the stories are true, although I still have my doubts — of local ministers who convinced true believers to sign their paychecks over to the good reverend so that he could personally see to their financial affairs, and another who convinced couples that he would need to … let’s just say “get to know spiritually” … the bride before the couple would be guaranteed marital bliss.

Who knows? Large groups of people have committed mass suicide following the dictates of sickos like Jim Jones at the People’s Temple, David Koresh and the Branch Davidians, and Marshall Applewhite and the Heaven’s Gate cult. Who’s to say a little holy roller financing or spiritual hanky panky is out of the question?

Email Carlton Fletcher at [email protected].