MANDY FLYNN: Headline writer catches eyes by mistake

In my more than 10 years working at a newspaper desk in different towns, one of the hardest things I found was not interviewing, or putting words together to form a story, or even laying out a page.

The hardest thing for me was writing headlines. And anyone who has ever faced a deadline can agree. It’s not always easy to pull from the depths of an article and try to sum it up in just a few words.

More than a couple of times, I got it terribly wrong.

One of my most infamous headlines dates back several years. The story was about a public service group that was about to get back to important work after completing a pretty big project. My headline: “More Lies Ahead For Commission.”

I meant nothing by it … didn’t even realize my double entendre, but believe me, I heard about it. Yikes.

No excuse can I think of, either, for my headline of a short article about a truck fire, caused by heat and a gas can left in the back of a pickup truck: “Man’s Gas Catches Fire, Destroys Truck.”

I am not proud.

So I’ve always been intrigued and a little big amused by other questionable headlines I’ve seen in newspapers over the years, which is why when someone introduced me to a whole collection of funny, odd, clever, and just plain bad headlines from around the world, it felt like Christmas.

“Child’s Stool Great For Use In Garden” – Stepstool, not … yuck.

“Cold Wave Linked To Temperature” – You think?

“Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Line At Supermarket” – Actually, I think I’ve shopped there before.

“Farmer Bill Dies In House” – Farmer Bill might should have stayed out of politics.

“Hospital Sued By Seven Foot Doctors” – Wow, those are some tall doctors.

“Stolen Painting Found By Tree” – Smart tree.

“Volunteers To Search For Old Civil War Planes” – Yes, things from the Civil War would be considered old today.

“Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement” – They misspelled Mississippi.

“Services For Man Who Refused To Hate Thursday In Atlanta” – I am so glad to hear there are other people who refuse to hate Thursday in Atlanta. I have been in Atlanta on a Thursday and found it quite nice, actually.

“Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25” – If 25 is still considered being a teenager, then that makes me … darn it, apparently still old.

“Clinics Give Poor Free Legal Help” – That’s not good for anybody.

“Chick Accuses Some Of Her Male Colleagues Of Sexism” – Chick? Really?

“Psychics Predict The World Didn’t End Yesterday” – If that’s the case, even I can be a psychic!

There are days I miss working at the newspaper, being on the desk at deadline, and being forced to have to come up with eyecatching headlines in nearly no time at all. Perhaps I would pay closer attention to my words, not accuse a poor man of having flatulence so strong that it caused his truck to burst into flames.

Surprisingly, I’ve known a few people and dogs who might actually have that problem if they’re not careful. And they don’t live in Missippi.

Email lifestyle columnist Mandy Flynn at [email protected].