CARLTON FLETCHER: Bumping and grinding down Albany’s city streets

Life is a highway, I’m gonna ride it all night long.

— Tom Cochrane

The Georgia legislature’s House of Representatives did something unusual the other day: They actually proposed and passed legislation that pretty much every single citizen in the state — not, like usual, just the rich ones and the gun owners — has called for.

The House passed a pair of bills that addressed cameras in school zones: One that outlawed the cameras in the state altogether and another that limited the number of hours law enforcement may utilize the cameras (two hours in the morning during school delivery and two hours in the afternoon for pickup).

( NOTE: Before we celebrate, as some have done already, it should be noted that these laws, even though they passed overwhelmingly in the House, are by no means a done deal. The Senate, whose members are even less inclined — if that’s possible — than the House and governor to give a whit what the people of the state want, still must pass one of these measures before they become law.)

People’s claims that the fines collected from these cameras have made local law enforcement agencies so fat with income that they don’t even bother to stop drivers for traffic infractions anymore notwithstanding, I can’t think of a law enforcement action that’s drawn more heat from individuals throughout a jurisdiction. It’s probably because these cameras can’t tell who’s driving too fast through the school zones and therefore doesn’t give a break to the wealthy and the individuals with connections or those who think they should be given more leeway because … well, because, damn it, they’ve always gotten breaks before.

Don’t be surprised if the feckless state Senate chooses not to act on either measure, leaving motorists right where they were to begin with, their hopes dashed once again.

Getting to know where the school zone cameras are located in a community can save drivers lots of money, so most have learned that if you’re traveling down this street or that, you’d best slow down. Such knowledge is actually pretty common. Those of us who travel on certain streets on a regular basis develop a knack for remembering the little quirks that increase our road rage on the regular.

For instance:

— If you’re working to discern the pattern of the traffic signals on West Broad Avenue, you might forget — until it’s too late — that the road grade at the southbound intersection of West Broad and Monroe is so elevated, if you go over it at more than 5 mph, your vehicle is probably going to go all Evel Knievel-like on two wheels before coming back down with a teeth-chattering jounce.

— Speaking of West Broad, it doesn’t matter how wide a turn you make as you exit off Broad onto North Jefferson, your rear wheels are going to scrape the curb in front of the Post Office. The poor design of that particular piece of the cityscape has left the pavement solid black with the rubber scraped off drivers’ tires.

— Oh, and by the way, if you do navigate that onto North Jefferson turn without losing a large chunk of rubber on your passenger-side rear tire, don’t get caught up in congratulating yourself. A little less than a block away, just before North Jefferson intersects with Pine, there is a pot hole that puts all other pot holes in Albany to shame, and that’s saying a lot. NOTE TO CITY PLANNERS: How about scraping up four or five wheelbarrows full of tar being used on the myriad sewer projects to fill in that crater?

— I had flashbacks of Ocilla in the ’60s when I ventured down Third Avenue recently. Where Third runs adjacent to Hilsman Park is now a dirt road. You’ll need a car wash after you drive through … if you don’t get stuck in the mud.

— If you’re one of those weird people who likes for his or her vehicle to stay in alignment, I’d suggest you avoid or drive no more than 1 or 2 mph when you’re exiting the northside driveway behind the Northwest Library branch. The connection onto Stuart Avenue is so uneven, even driving at 5 mph will give you a jolt and impact your alignment. (The same can be said, by the way, for the turnoff from Stuart onto Pearl Avenue a few blocks east.)

— And, finally, if you drive on Palmyra like I do pretty much daily, look out for the obstacle course of poorly “leveled” (and I use that term derisively) manhole covers that have sunk deep enough into the streetscape that if you don’t dodge in and out of these craters, you’ll bang your head on the roof of the car a few times before you reach an area where the manholes stop.

So, there you go Albany drivers. I’m sure you have your own areas of woe on local streets. Let me know where they are … and happy motoring