CARLTON FLETCHER: Latest scam gets A+ for originality

“But a fool and his money soon go separate ways. And you found a fool lyin’ in a daze.”

— Electric Light Orchestra

For originality, I give the latest scam attempt that I get several of on a regular basis now a solid A+. You want to get the attention of someone that you’re trying to shake down for money, tell them you have video evidence of them watching porn at work.

Forget that old African prince who’s going to send you millions of dollars if you mail him a few thousand first to get the money flowing your way. Forget the “letter from the IRS” that lets you know that you owe back taxes and if you don’t pay them in the next few hours, local police will haul you in and probably throw away the jailhouse key. Forget the classic “My car ran out of gas and I lost my wallet with all of my money in it and I just need 20 bucks or so to get enough gas to get me home … and I’ll repay you when I get home if you give me your address.”

Hell, forget even the “Can I hold five bucks to get something to eat because I haven’t eaten in three days?” … from “hungry” people who turn down your offer to buy them food rather than give them money.

This latest attempt to separate you from your income is more of a doozie.

Here’s how it goes:

The scammer gets your attention right off the bat by letting you know that they have one of your online passwords. They may have done a little background checking and found out the names of your kids and then guessed (correctly in my case) that the name of one of your children is an account password. Or they may have bought or stolen your personal information when one of the several data leaks that have been reported — from retailers; credit rating services; local, state and federal government entities, pretty much anyone or any agency that has access to folks’ private information — left your private information vulnerable.

Doesn’t really matter how they got or guessed your password, they have it. And it definitely gives you pause when they tell you accurately that they are on to your supposedly private information.

Then they tell you that they’ve been able to infiltrate your computer with super secret spyware that allows them to watch your every move. Intriguing up to that point.

But the coup de gras comes when they say their super-secret spy software caught you in … ahem … all your glory, watching and, let’s say, reacting to, porn. The location varies, but the site is typically either in your home or at your job. They almost hate to have to do this, but if you don’t give in to their demands (one demanded the oddly specific amount of $1,332.31 — in bitcoin, no less), they will release the footage they have of you porning it up. Oh, and to provide a helping hand for those who aren’t hip to cryptocurrency, they explain the process of making the online payment.

Which, if you think about it, is nice of these scammers.

When I first got one of these demand letters, I laughed out loud and told others about it. I could laugh, because I don’t watch porn at home, at work or anywhere else, for that matter. (There was that time David Yeary invited me to his apartment to watch “Debbie Does Dallas,” but I passed, telling him, in my inimitable country bumpkin way, “If I were going to watch a movie like this, it wouldn’t be with you” and having everyone at the Tifton Gazette laugh at my naivete for the next few weeks. … Ah, the good old days.)

While I did give the would-be scammers credit for originality, I thought how stupid their attempt was. No one, I reasoned, would fall for such foolishness.

Then I heard (from someone in the computer business) that a local man had gotten the scam message and immediately sent the money as requested. When he later complained to law enforcement, they pretty much said, “Umm, you withdrew the money and sent it to these folks willingly based on this threat. It’s unlikely you’ll get your money back.”

What the law enforcement folks didn’t say, and what should have been a consideration of the scammee, was that viewing porn online is not the victimless vice everyone says it is.