CREEDE HINSHAW: Church losing standing as place to meet a spouse

What percentage of couples find each other in a church setting?

This column is prompted by a graph from “The Economist” that appeared Dec. 21 indicating how couples met each other since 1940. The categories included church, primary or secondary school, college, a restaurant/bar, through a friend or via the internet.

The data were extracted from the 2012 research paper “Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” by Michael J. Rosenfeld and Reuben J. Thomas and published in the American Sociological Review. You can easily find the paper online.

What piqued my interest was the role of the church as a place where people find their future partners. Research indicated that in 1940 the church, at 12 percent, was the third-most likely place for couples to meet. The top three categories were through a friend, 23 percent; at a bar or restaurant, 22 percent; at a church, 12 percent.

By 2009, the most recent year of this research, the church as a meeting place for couples had dropped all the way to 3 percent, lower than any other category in the survey. I was saddened, but not particularly surprised by this finding.

I can remember when churches, in an effort to reach single people — divorced, never married or widowed — offered Sunday School classes and other ministries specifically targeting singles. Some of these classes were quite popular, and though they were not advertised as a meeting place to find a spouse, this was often one of the appeals of such a class. Classes such as this, as far as I can tell, rarely exist anymore.

People do not need — or maybe want — the church as a place to find a spouse.

I wondered what the statistics might show if results were broken into regions. The Southeast, being the most religiously observant part of our culture, surely has a higher percentage of people who meet their spouses in a church or synagogue. Even so, I suspect the role of the church as a place to discover a future spouse has declined precipitously even in the South.

It should come as no surprise that the internet is particularly influential now in helping couples meet each other. Since the early 1990s, the internet has exploded in terms of being a source for couples meeting each other. In 2009 the top three most popular ways of meeting a spouse were: through a friend, 28 percent; at a bar or restaurant, 23 percent; through the internet, 22 percent.

The data reveal that the internet has been particularly helpful to gay/lesbian individuals seeking a partner. Close to 70 percent of same-sex couples met through the internet, the ability to search for a partner made easier in a culture where same-sex marriage is still often condemned.

Internet searching has also been particularly helpful to middle-aged heterosexual people for whom fewer partners are available. My elderly father-in-law, single and craving friendship, used the Internet as a source for finding companions.

What are the implications for communities of faith where declining numbers of single, young adults are present? What can the church offer to those seeking a partner? Which churches in southwest Georgia have successful ministries in this vital area?

Email Creede Hinshaw at [email protected].