SCOTT LUDWIG: A Swift kick in the conspiracy theory

From the very same band of idiots that gave you the wrong impression — Let’s face facts; they were lying — of COVID vaccines, election results, climate change, gun violence, the Ukraine, Jan. 6, and Dominion Voting Systems – the latter of which led to a lawsuit resulting in a $787 million settlement for Dominion – they now have come up with one that just might have topped them all. Are you ready for this?

The National Football League, via Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs and his billionaire girlfriend, Taylor Swift, are conspiring with the “deep state” to keep Joe Biden in the White House … and Trump as far away from it as possible.

So there you have it: The true story about this year’s Super Bowl. It was a conspiracy, pure and simple.

To quote Joe Biden, “Here’s the deal:” Taylor Swift did not affect the outcome of the Super Bowl, and she will not be responsible for determining the outcome of the 2024 presidential election. Despite what you may have heard, the “Swift kick in the a** conspiracy” does not exist.

As Biden, and anyone with a lick of common sense, would say, “C’mon, man.”

Meanwhile, since I brought up the topic of kicks …

Trump is in a world of hurt. Not only is his campaign being constantly interrupted by one court appearance after another – the result of breaking a few laws every now and then that he didn’t think applied to him – he currently owes E. Jean Carroll a cool $88.3 million for sexual assault and defamation. And that’s just the tip of the monetary iceberg. He’s now also on the hook for another $355 million in penalties for overstating (lying about) his wealth to trick lenders into loaning him money.

But for a man whose net worth is alleged to be in the neighborhood of $3 billion, those fines would appear on the surface to be a drop in the bucket on the surface. A rather large drop, but a drop nonetheless.

So that begs the question: Why on earth is Trump hawking a new pair of kicks, the “Never Surrender High-Tops,” which are nothing more than a pair of gold-colored sneakers with the American flag on the heel and an oversized “T” on the side, for the absurd price of $399?

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that the man is simply running out of money … and he’s become desperate, almost to the point of when he tried to hold onto a presidency that he lost by millions of votes a few years back.

On the very same website (gettrumpsneakers.com) the shoes can be ordered, you can also find Victory47 cologne or perfume for $99 a bottle. The T Red Wave (red sneakers) and the POTUS 45 (white), at $199 each, are also available for pre-order.

Now here’s the sad part of the story: The presale of 1,000 pair of the high-tops sold out … in less than two hours. It’s worth pointing out that the shoes were introduced at an event named the rather appropriate … drum roll … Sneaker Con.

Actually, there’s an even sadder part to the story than that. The people who are buying the shoes are the very same people who are going around complaining about high inflation. Hypocrite, anyone?

A word of caution to prospective Never Surrender High-Top owners: They don’t come with any extras, so you’ll have to come up with your own bone spurs.

If you don’t know how to do it, just ask Trump. He’s got experience.