T GAMBLE: First it’s ice fishing, the next thing you know … prostitutes

I’m not much of a cold-weather person, hence one of the reasons I live in Georgia. But news from the beautiful town of Hudson, Ohio, may change my mind.

It seems that the mayor and city council of Hudson have been trying to decide whether or not to grant permits for individuals to ice fish on local lakes. These permits may even allow a small temporary hut to assist in the fishing endeavor.

Now I’m no king of the fishermen, but from time to time I have been known to fish for bass, bream, catfish or even deep sea fish. I have never really considered ice fishing. It is bad enough to fish in 95-degree weather with gnats swarming all around. I can’t envision getting frostbit while I fish. The only ice I want while fishing is around a cold beer. But times they may be a-changing.

In an early February 2022 city council meeting, the Hudson mayor discussed his opposition to ice fishing. Now this was after a robust discussion of the pros and cons of ice fishing. I must stop right here and admit I had no idea there were any cons to ice fishing, other than it is as cold as a well-diggers you know what. I figure folks in Hudson, Ohio, are probably about as used to that as I am of blowing away gnats from the corner of my mouth. But apparently I am somewhat naïve.

The mayor said, and I quote, “If you open this up to ice fishing, while on the surface it sounds good, then what happens next year? Then if you allow ice fishing with shanties (huts), then that leads to another problem, prostitution.”

Yes, the ever fearful slippery slope has reared its ugly head. Ice fishing today, prostitution tomorrow, anarchy and widespread lawlessness the next week.

I had no idea prostitutes flock to ice fishing. Who knew? Well, I guess the mayor knew. No one, to my knowledge, thought to ask the mayor how he knew? Is he an experienced ice fisherman? Has he ever built a shanty while ice fishing? Was he suffocated by desperate prostitutes whose business has suffered over the long dreary sub-zero weather? I assume a prostitute’s off-season is the dead of winter, but maybe I need to rethink this viewpoint. Perhaps business will boom if Hudson allows ice fishing plus shanties.

Hudson has about 22,000 people, according to the 2022 census. How many prostitutes can they have? Maybe prostitutes will come from other towns once they learn of the excellent opportunity to ice fish and romance in a shanty. Other problems could erupt, like traffic jams and sightseers. I may go have a look myself. I’ve never seen a prostitution feeding frenzy, but there is a real chance this could occur if the mayor is right.

I really don’t want to be around as wives scour the frozen lakes searching to find Harold laid up in the shanty instead of catching supper. Little children will no longer be allowed to ice skate lest they see more than little children should see. An honest husband will no longer be able to go fishing with a couple of buddies. Their wives will say, “Please, Jonny, don’t go ice fishing, please anything as long as it is not ice fishing. Wouldn’t you rather just go to the strip club, honey?”

Well, I’ll listen out to see what happens in Hudson. Next year I may have to go up there just to make sure everything is OK.