T GAMBLE: John Denver was right … country roads, take me home

I see more and more where car manufacturers are trying to produce cars that are auto-piloted. God knows if you have ever ridden around Albany, we need something. I suspect the auto-piloted cars will actually turn on the blinker before they turn and probably will not blow the horn every 25 seconds. They might even not park in the handicap zone. Perhaps they will not take two spaces when they do park. I bet they will not put the stereo on at 120 decimals and leave the windows down. We can always hope.

But part of me is saddened by the thought of a world where we do not drive our own vehicles. I enjoy a drive in the country where I am in control. Or at least I used to enjoy such a thing. Now, however, the State Highway Department has seen fit to put rumble strips all on the side of most country roads. I hate those things. I’ll know when I run off the road by the dust cloud that it sends up. I don’t need to be jolted like an electric shock every three minutes, which is about how often I catch the edge of a narrow country road when cruising around.

I could almost tolerate the side of the road strips, but now they have gone and put them on the center line of most roads. So now, even when I am driving properly, if I go to pass, it sounds like I am being strafed by a crop duster. I get up a head of steam, begin the pull-out maneuver and then here comes the jolt. I’ve almost jerked my car directly into the car I’m passing. It’s like Saving Private Ryan … “incoming.”

So what once was a peaceful way to cruise around and think about the day and enjoy the occasional nature display on a quiet country road has turned into a game of extreme concentration as I try not to violate either zone and set off the rumble strips. I can’t possibly eat my double Wendy’s cheeseburger, check my phone for any calls to see if the nice lady from Fairmount needs additional car warranty information and keep my dog on his side of the car, which is pretty much the whole front seat of the car to his way of thinking, and stay completely in my lane. That’s why I’m driving on a seldom-used country road to begin with.

I tell you, these highway folks think we need to follow rules like we are on Interstate 85, where we all know folks do exactly what they should. I can handle my driving just fine without setting off a three-alarm code every 5 minutes, thank you very much. And while I am at it, quit putting speed bumps on every road in America that the speed limit is under 45. If I want to drive the Baja 500, I’ll go to California and enter the dadgum thing. I pay good tax money for a smooth paved road; otherwise leave it dirt and I’ll drive a motorcross cycle to work.

In short, I helped pay for the road, and I’ll use all of the road if I want to. See you at the next traffic court.