T. GAMBLE: Oh for the days when you could screen phone calls

Last week I saw where the 30th anniversary of the text message occurred. It was the first big step in mankind’s quest to avoid all actual physical contact with other human beings.

For reasons still not totally clear to me, it is now much better to text someone about most anything than to call them. And, according to my kids, the text should be responded to within less than 60 seconds or you risk alienating the person sending the text. I’m afraid I have alienated more than a few people under this criteria.

But for those so informed, you can be in the middle of executing a prisoner and if the executioner gets a text message, well, … “Just hold on hitting the switch just a minute, please. I’m answering a text right now. My wife needs to know if they still have Downey Softener on sale two for one at the Dollar General.”

You know every generation sees things change from the old to the new. I often see where people have memes saying I may not be able to operate a computer, but I can still drive a stick shift, write in cursive and read the hands on a clock. Yeah, I guess that may be so. I imagine back in Roman times as Roman numerals were replaced by regular numbers, and sundials by clocks, somebody wrote, “I may not be up to date on all this new stuff but I can still read a sundial, know XL equals 40 and remember when we had 10 Gods, not just one.”

I think it was Bob Dylan who sang about times a-changing. He sang that when 8-tracks were just coming out and people actually got married and stayed that way. But the text message has changed things in many ways.

For one it is now harder to claim you did not know someone was trying to get in touch with you. Back in the stone ages, people would call your house, but if you were not there nobody knew it happened. Or, if you were there, and suspected an unpleasant call, like a bill collector, you could just not answer the phone. Later, when you finally saw the person you’d say, “ Oh I didn’t know you were trying to get in touch with me. I never got a call from you.”

On the other hand, it did also require screening calls where you asked someone else to answer the phone, like your mother or sibling, and say you were not home. This technique was widely used by every girl I ever tried to date. They generally ended up making liars out of the whole family as they claimed Sally was not in right then. I’d finally decide she must be in prison, or somewhere, after about 20 “she’s not here right now” calls.

But once texted, all you can say is “I must have overlooked it.” Or “I typed up an answer but now realize I did not hit send.” In desperate times, I guess you can change your cell number and not let the unwanted have the new number. I suspect things may advance before too long so we never have to meet anyone face-to-face. You may have a best friend and not know what they look like, or even if they are a boy or a girl. Which, come to think of it, folks now don’t know themselves if they are a boy or a girl.

Well, I have to go right now and text all my friends things I could have said to them in person, if I had seen them in person, and if I had any friends. Happy 30th texting birthday from me to you. A text message will be coming shortly.