T GAMBLE: The mystery grows around North Korea’s Kim Jong-un

As I write this, rumors are swirling everywhere as to whether or not Kim Jong-un, dictator of North Korea is dead. It is difficult to ascertain if he is dead or not considering the folks in North Korea think he is a god and can’t die. By the time you read this, he may be confirmed dead or he may be just at a Golden Coral finishing up his 12th yeast roll and now headed to the ice cream swirl bar.

I have to give North Koreans a little credit. At least their hero has a body I can hope to attain. Here in America, I’ve got to try and look like the Rock or Arnold to be considered a superhero. I do actually favor Arnold; unfortunately, it is the Arnold that used to play on “Diff’rent Strokes.” But it is an Arnold.

They say if Kim dies, his sister will take over. News reports say she is much more ruthless than the docile Kim Jong-un. I am worried any time someone says his sister is more ruthless than he. He is the guy who is reported to have lined his uncle up and shot him with a piece of anti-aircraft artillery. That might just be a bit of overkill on Kim’s part, then again I never saw the size of his uncle, so perhaps it was necessary. Saying she is more ruthless is sort of like where I saw that Al Capone wanted to snuff out Baby Face Nelson because he was too violent for Capone’s gang. I mean they already starve a few million to death each year, put another million or so in gulags, and then shoot others for fun. Poor sister … what’s she supposed to do for an encore?

Yes, these are dangerous times in which we live. I’m not crazy about insane Kim, but baby sister could be worse. I guess all we can do is send Dennis Rodman back over there to try and calm down the situation. I can tell you this. If you sent Dennis Rodman to my house to stop whatever I was doing, I would quit doing it if it meant he would then leave. You send Dennis over there, and in about a week they will call Trump and ask will he please come over and get him.

If Kim is dead, I wonder if Trump will go to the funeral. He called Kim “Rocket Man,” but then said they had a very nice meeting together and he thought Kim was a nice guy. Man, if Trump calls him a nice fellow, I may need to go to dinner with the president. He might give me a glowing report.

Experts say if Kim Jong-un is dead, his body will perpetually lie in state like the Russians did Lenin and Stalin. I wonder if they will give him the flat-top, way-up-high hairstyle he seemed to favor? He also loved Elvis, so it’s possible they will have “Don’t Be Cruel” playing in the background. Who knows what will come of it all, but it’s sure to be a spectacle. We’ll all listen out for Rodman’s report.