T GAMBLE: ‘Vapo Shower’ unleashes memories of grandmothers’ cures

Every day it seems new products come out that will enhance our lives and improve everything from looks to longevity. But now I see where Vick’s Vapo Rub has come out with Vick’s Vapo Shower. Yes, they say it is a shower tablet that infuses with shower steam to, I guess, make a more relaxing and luxurious shower experience.

I speculate that most people think from time to time when something important happens in their life, “I wish my grandmother could be here to have seen this.” At least they think this if they had two really fine grandmothers that loved them like mine did me. But I tell you, I do not wish either of my grandmothers were alive to see Vick’s Vapo Shower.

My Grandmother Jones lived to be 94 years of age. She was born around the early 1900s. I don’t know a lot about her youthful days, but I’m pretty darn well sure whatever happened when she was a child involved Vick’s Vapo Rub. She would coat you in Vapo Rub at the slightest sign of a chest cold. If I had been diagnosed with brain cancer, before we went for treatment she would have rubbed Vick’s Vapo Rub on my head. You might not conquer whatever ailment was upon you, but by God your sinuses would be clear when you died from it.

So I’m not sure I want my shower to smell like Vick’s Vapo Rub. I also am not sure I want to smell like Vick’s Vapo Rub. Now I have not tried it, so it may be great. It says it has menthol, eucalyptus and camphor. I guess with menthol, you don’t need to smoke anymore. I know Koala bears eat eucalyptus leaves; what it does I have no idea. Camphor? I have not the foggiest notion as to its use.

If my grandmothers were not using Vick’s Vapo Rub, they were saturating me with methiolate. My mother especially liked it. If I had cut off my leg, my mother would have first soaked the stump with methiolate and then picked up the missing leg and soaked it, too. I think they actually enjoyed burning up the wound as they squirted it on the injury. “I told you not to ride that bike with shorts on,” she’d say, as after each word one more drop would land on the scraped-up knee.

They have now banned original methiolate, as it contained mercury. If mercury truly does cause all types of horrible afflictions, I am doomed. I had enough mercury from methiolate to have eaten 10,000 tuna fish. As a child, I could have opened a 20-inch gash in my side and I would have hid in the closet for five days to avoid the inevitable doctoring with methiolate.

Well I will pass on the Vick’s Vapo Shower, but if they come out with some new methiolate? I may just get some. The kids need to experience this stuff just once before they leave for college.