BOB KORNEGAY: Just a few outdoor rules to live by

Childhood is a great teacher when we listen and pay heed. This is especially true when childhood’s classroom is the outdoors.

As for me, I was a good student and today remember most of the things I learned. I present a few here for your consideration. Feel free to pass them along.

– Swallowing chewing tobacco will not kill you. It will, however, make you pray fervently for death to come quickly.

– If you contemplate a fist fight with a kid who is hogging your favorite fishing hole, first make sure he is smaller than you.

– It is okay to try out new cuss words on your buddies during a backyard campout, but not on the grownups gathered around your grandmother’s Sunday dinner table.

– Poking a rattlesnake with a stick will not make it go away and leave you alone.

– A hornet’s nest is not the perfect rock-throwing target.

– Just because straight whiskey makes movie cowboys and your Uncle Ray happy and joyful, this does not mean it will have the same effect on you. At least not the first time.

– When you pick up that squirrel you just shot with your new .22 rifle, first make certain it is dead.

– Don’t take up duck hunting before first learning the difference between wild waterfowl and Mr. Ferguson’s imported Coscoroba swans.

– One’s grandfather is not likely to be amused by the hand-sized bluegill you hid inside his tacklebox, especially if he discovers it three days later.

– If you have to pause and think about whether or not you can jump across that “narrow” spot in the creek, you probably can’t.

-When an adult companion says, “Don’t tease that skunk,” listen to him.

– Carefully survey the vegetation in the thicket you choose to seclude yourself and answer the call of nature. If poison ivy is present, pick another spot.

– Those African vines Tarzan swings on in the movies are much sturdier and support more weight than any vine growing in the Southeastern United States.

– You don’t really want to dig into that alligator’s nest as much as you think you do. Believe me.

– That pocketknife your mama says will cut you will do just that.

– It’s true that redworms will live a long time when stored in the refrigerator. Just remember to leave the lid on their container.

– Not all adults share your amusement when you drop live catalpa worms down the back of their shirts.

– When your grandmother says she’ll tolerate no snakes inside her house, chances are she means it.

– Just because you’re too young to need a fishing or hunting license does not mean you are exempt from fish and game regulations. Just ask the game warden.

– The kid who tells you he’ll give you his new fishing rod if you’ll swallow six live crickets is probably lying to you.

– Playing tag naked in the woods is not as much fun as it seems, especially when sandspurs and briars are involved.

– Finally, those chigger bites that manifest themselves “down there” always itch worst when one stands, in his Sunday suit, before the entire church congregation at Vacation Bible School graduation.

Wow, thinking on this makes me wonder sometimes how some of us outdoor young’uns ever grew up to become outdoor adults.