BOB KORNEGAY: Just an overabundance of choices these days

Will it be Coke or Pepsi? Chocolate or vanilla? Large or small? Black or white? Remember when choices and decision-making consisted of no more than a bare minimum of cut-and-dried options?

As in: I’m going fishing today. Let’s see, shall I bait up with wigglers, redworms, or crickets? Ah, what the heck? Just let me have a handful of each.

Life was wonderful, huh?

Not so today, buddy. Planning an angling outing this day and time requires thinking, a mental process at which I’ve never been too adept.

For instance, I believe I’ll fish for largemouth bass this morning. I’ll need topwater baits for early on. Okay, toss the old broken-back Rebel into the tackle box and maybe the Tiny Torpedo. That’s all the “rules” used to call for. Now, though, I must add the Zara Spook, the Bang-O-Lure, the Pop R and the Moss Mouse. And don’t forget that little froggy thing I forgot the name of five years ago.

Colors? Well, I need one each in white, red, green, chartreuse, and Lemon Shad.

Say what? Lemon Shad? What, pray tell, is Lemon Shad and who thought up such a color in the first place?

Next, will I need the “Baby,” “Tiny,” “Magnum,” or “Micro” lure variety? I feel the onset of a headache. Let me pause for a moment and decide whether to take aspirin, Tylenol, Advil, Excedrin, Aleve, or Midol. Oops, how did that latter product find its way into my first aid kit?

Now for the crankbaits. Shall they be lipped or lip-less? Shallow-running, medium-depth, or deep-diving? Should they sport three treble hooks or two? Shall they rattle or keep quiet? Wait now, I must make certain the colors correspond well with the topwater stuff.

Whew!

Now then, worms. Okay, here’s black, black with fire tail, black and chartreuse, motor oil, pumpkinseed, red shad, blue shad, green shad. Dang it! There they go with shad again. Aren’t these worms?

Forget that last point. I have other worms in frog, crawdad, and rainbow trout colors. Their lengths include 4-inch, 6-inch, 9-inch and anaconda. I must rig them Texas-style, Carolina-style, bare-hook, or “finesse.” Hook colors are red, green, or rusty.

What color skirt should I affix to this purple/pink/lime-green spinnerbait? Magenta, perhaps? Or should I go with mauve or candy-apple red? Will I be better off with a 3/8-ounce white spinnerbait with a gold blade or a ¾-ounce copper-bladed model in basic black? Shall I add a trailer or fish it nekkid? Shall the spinner blades be willow leaf, Colorado, ceiling fan, or razor? With the latter at least I’ll be able to slit my wrists after I’ve ripped the last hair from my throbbing noggin.

I’d better take along an extra spool or two of line as well. Here we go. High-visibility, low-visibility, braided, monofilament, cofilament, long-casting, smooth-casting, short-casting, low-abrasion, warm-water, cold-water, photochromatic. Shall I tie a clinch knot, improved clinch knot, nail knot, Palomar, or Bimini twist? I don’t know; which is best for hanging oneself?

Finally, the liquid refreshment. I’ll need a bit of hydration when the sun starts beating down. Should it be Gatorade, Powerade or lemonade? How about Pepsi, Pepsi One, Pepsi Clear, Pepsi Twist, Diet Pepsi? With caffeine or without?

None of the above, thanks. Just water. Oops. Shall that be spring, mineral, flavored, fortified or tap?

What’s that? You say you saw me on the river a few weeks ago? I seemed to be acting a little strangely, maybe just a little unbalanced? Crazy, even?

Well, old sport, now you know why, don’t you?