MOVING THE CHAINS: Tenuous Tenure

Statistically speaking, as far as job security is concerned, the most stabie professions are in teaching, finance, law, sales, and social work. Or, if you live within a country mile of me, you might want to consider becoming a plumber or electrician.

Conversely, the worst job security is found in positions as actors, bartenders, and telemarketers … although for my two cents, lions tamers and trapeze artists would rank up there as well.

Perhaps the worst vocational opportunity of all lies in becoming an FBS head coach, where the average tenure is 3.8 years (per BusinessInsider). In fact, two-thirds of current FBS head coaches have been with their respective schools for less than five years.

That should surprise exactly no one. Since 2019, there have been 114 head coaching changes, an average of almost 23 every year. As there are 133 members of the FBS, that means that there is a head coaching turnover rate of 18% — almost one out of every five coaches … every single season.

Some coaches, however, are more successful than others. Here are the longest-tenured active coaches of each of the Power Four conferences (formerly the Power Five, but the Pac-12 is now defunct):

Big Ten — Kirk Ferentz, coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes since 1999

♦ Big-12 — Mike Gundy, coach of the Oklahoma State Cowboys since 2005

♦ (Kyle Whittingham has been with Utah since 2005 as well)

ACC — Dabo Swinney, coach of the Clemson Tigers since 2009

♦ SEC — Mark Stoops, coach of the Kentucky Wildcats since 2013

♦ (Stoops replaced Alabama’s Nick Saban, who recently retired after 17 seasons with the Crimson Tide. But Saban wasn’t the longest-tenured coach to part with his team: Rick Stockstill, the coach at Middle Tennessee, was fired after 18 seasons with the team.)

All four coaches — Ferentz, Gundy, Swinney, and Stoops — seem to be aware that they’ve got a good thing going. None of them have made the mistake of leaving a program they are, let’s say, ‘comfortable with,’ for greener pastures.

By that, I’m referring to some of the notable coaches who have had their momentary lapse of reason: Scott Frost at Central Florida (left for Nebraska, fired after 4+ seasons), Charlie Strong at Louisville (left for Texas, fired after 3 seasons), and Rich Rodriguez at West Virginia (left for Michigan, fired after 3 seasons). Then there’s the ugly saga of what happened to Bobby Petrino after he left Louisville (the first time, and then the second time as well) that is a story unto itself and is entirely too complicated to get into here. Maybe later.

Let’s examine a few other coaches who fell on hard times:

You would think winning a National Championship would guarantee some sort of job security for a head coach, right? Wrong. Gene Chizik won his with Auburn in 2010 … and was fired two seasons later (losing 49-0 to Alabama in the 2012 Iron Bowl certainly didn’t help his cause). Ed Orgeron won his with LSU in 2019 … and was fired two seasons later as well. Worth mentioning: the average tenure of the current head coaches in the SEC is 3.5 years, which is slightly less than the national average. Such is life in the most competitive conference in college football.

You would think signing coaches to long-term contracts would guarantee some sort of job security for a head coach, right? You might want to think again. LSU’s Orgeron was released after two years of a six-year contract, costing the university a $16.9 million buyout. FSU’s Willie Taggert had four years remaining on his contract when the university bought him out for $18 million. It cost Notre Dame $19 million to part ways with Charlie Weiss, and Auburn $21.5 million to bid farewell to Gus Malzahn.

You would think it couldn’t possibly be any worse for a university to show their head football coach the exit sign, right? If so, you’re now oh-for-three: Texas A&M opened its wallet to the tune of $76 million to get rid of Jimbo Fisher, who was only three years into a 10-year/$90 million contract. $76 million; that’s a whole lot of Lone Star State oil.

That’s enough sob stories for now. Let’s switch gears and take a look at some of the coaches who have achieved high levels of success:

Joe Paterno won 409 games in his 46 years coaching the Penn State Nittany Lions. That puts him at the top of the food chain.

Next in line is Bobby Bowden, with 377 wins coaching at three schools (most notably, 34 seasons with FSU).

Bear Bryant comes in third, with 323 wins at four schools (most notably, 25 years with Alabama).

Nick Saban retired with 292 wins on his resume with three schools, although 206 of his wins — not to mention 6 of his all-time record of 7 National Championships — were with Alabama.

Incidentally, the current active coach with the most wins is LSU’s Brian Kelly with 283 (5 teams), with North Carolina’s Mack Brown close behind at 282 (4 teams).

So here’s what it all boils down to: the formula for success — and tenure — as an FBS head coach is pretty simple.

As the late owner of the Oakland Raiders, Al Davis, used to say: just win, baby.

Then again, if coaching isn’t your cup of tea, just remember:

I’m always looking for a plumber.