CARLTON FLETCHER: Let’s not let pesky Constitution stand in the way of real America

You’ve never met a m—–f—– quite like me; Never met a sinner like me; You ain’t ever met and you ain’t never gonna meet … a m—–f—– quite like me. … His d— was metal, her p—- was a magnet.

 — Kid Rock

Republican Florida Sen. Rick Scott has, it seems, come up with a new definition of what it means to be an American.

Scott, who could serve as a double for He-Man nemesis Skeletor, or perhaps sign on as a California Raisin, has decided that Olympic athletes who don’t praise his own He-man, President Trump, and all of his policies, no matter how petty and outlandish, should be “stripped of their Olympic uniforms.”

“Any person who goes to the Olympics to represent the United States and then says they don’t want to represent the United States should be immediately stripped of their Olympic uniform,” Scott declared in a video shared on social media.

In a rant that left viewers wondering when he was going to shout, “All you meddling punks get a haircut and get off of my lawn!” the senator said athletes who used the Olympics as a platform to express their dissatisfaction with Trump, his administration and its policies were somehow denigrating a land that is a “beacon for freedom and democracy.”

Hmmm … You sure about that senator?

I mean, yes, America is a land of freedom and democracy. Its Constitution says so, outlining specific freedoms that American citizens are entitled to. You know, things like freedom of speech, freedom to assemble, freedom of religion, freedom from persecution by government officials … freedom, that is, to exist.

It seems Skelet … I mean Scott has decided that certain groups can do without some of those gosh-danged freedoms if they’re going to say bad things about his Honey Boo-Boo and policies that, while they may seem a little outlandish at times, should be followed without question because they came from his one-and-only.

And, yes, this Florida iconoclast doesn’t just tell people to shut up and follow his leader. He has some unshakable thoughts – based on the sweet ramblings of that man sitting at the throne of power – that ought to be made law immediately. Who needs to vote … there could (unlikely, but possible) be a few befuddled Republicans  who might not see things the way they ought to be, the Scott/Trump way.

Soooo … do people with black or brown skin really deserve the right to open their mouths and do anything but praise Trump’s America, a country that now uses petty – and illegal – tactics to deny deserving people their right to exist? Of course not.

Do citizens of other – other smaller and weaker, we should add – countries deserve the right to sovereignty when they have goods (oil!) that we want to let our fat and greedy oil barons get their hands on so that they can charge even more for their products? Of course not.

Does anyone wearing garb that has either red, white or blue material have the right to say anything negative about our ruler? Hell, no.

And don’t get me started on the NFL letting that guy from another country (Puerto Rico!) come here and screw up our great American spectacle by singing in some God-forsaken language that no decent person understands. We should have had ICE at that stadium, ready to lock up all of those illegals the second they stepped on the field.

Every right-thinking American should have been made to watch the alternative halftime show of that great American Kid Rock. At least he sings lyrics we understand like “Bawitda ba da bang da dang diggy diggy” and at least this great American sings wholesome, patriotic songs.(See sample lyrics above.)

Scott is, it seems, right at home with all the old retirees who moved to the Sunshine State with all their money, taking over land that natives had struggled to hold onto for decades. So if he wants to deny athletes – or Super Bowl singers – their right to speak out against anything he’s for, by God, he deserves it.

Like the man said, “If you don’t love it, leave it.” Get ICE busy. Round up all these undesirables and let’s send them back where they belong. Forget what that dodgy Constitution says, this is the real American way. The Trump way … and Rick Scott says, “Amen!”

Email Carlton Fletcher at [email protected].