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If Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Orient Express” married Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train,” and they had a kid, that child would be Columbia Pictures’ new film, “Bullet Train.”

And, that’s not a bad thing.

In fact, “Bullet Train” — which is an adaptation of Kotaro Isaka’s 2010 novel, “Maria Beetle,” with some changes made to the characters — benefits from the seemingly mismatched DNA which makes for a fun two hours at the movies.

The storyline of the new film, which opens in theaters this weekend, is Christie-like at its core with a mystery for viewers to try to see if they can figure it out before the big reveal at the end. Even then, you have to wait until the end to see how all of the characters tie together.

The mystery at the heart of this movie, however, is wrapped in a story and style that pulls a variety of inspirations.

The inspirational mix from which this bizarre train ride springs forth includes Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill movies, “The Transporter,” “Deadpool,” “Weekend at Bernie’s,” “Mean Girls,” Japanese anime and just about any film directed by Guy Ritchie or Robert Rodriguez.

That eclectic mix should perhaps not be too surprising considering the director of “Bullet Train,” David Leitch, also directed “Deadpool 2.”

The two films share many of the same sensibilities, including one part in “Bullet Train” where two characters break the forth wall and talk directly to the audience.

But, the biggest influence — that one that is woven into and engrained into the entire film — is perhaps most bizarre one of all: The children’s show, “Thomas the Tank Engine.”

Even if the only thing you know about “Thomas The Tank Engine” is that it exists, it’s for children and it has something to do with trains that have faces on them as you enter this film, you will feel like you have a deep philosophical understanding of the show by the time this movie ends.

That’s because one character, a hitman/transporter named “Lemon” (whose work partner and brother is named “Tangerine”), has an obsession with “Thomas The Tank Engine” and figuring out who is like each character on the show and why.

The big mystery of “Bullet Train” is who is the real-life version of the “Thomas” character, “Diesel.” It’s a moniker “Lemon” gives to any person who represents an unknown and potentially dangerous variable in a situation, basically the match that could light the proverbial powder keg.

But, the star of the film, as anyone who has seen the trailer could probably guess, is Brad Pitt, who plays a thief whose codename that was assigned to him is “Ladybug.”

Pitt’s character spends much of the movie complaining about how unlucky he is while having to face an ongoing stream of ordeals, ranging from getting stabbed, getting bitten by a deadly snake (that he’d already gotten an anti-venom for. I won’t spoil the details) and losing the control manual for the train.

But, it’s Pitt’s character who provides some of the film’s funniest moments.

Despite the Christie influence in this film, there is no Poirot or Miss Marple detective character in this movie, but Pitt’s character may be the closest the film comes to such a character — even if Pitt’s character might be more Inspector Clouseau than Poirot.

One example of the humor Pitt’s character brings to film is when he gets into a fight over a briefcase with a person who is dressed as a Japanese anime character who several characters end up punching in the face (the bit about the anime character is paid off later in the film in a decidedly less humorous scene).

Another example of Pitt’s character being at the center of much of the humor is a bit that involves a toilet which he can’t figure out. At one point he accidentally sets off the toilet’s bidet and at another point he turns on the fan designed to dry a person’s rear end, which is just an excuse to make a joke about Pitt’s pretty boy image by creating a “Brad Pitt with windswept hair” moment).

There are also a few fun cameos in the movie that will make audiences laugh.

But, at the end, the films veers into the territory of a Akira Kurosawa film and a story about manipulation and revenge.

Even the more serious bits late in the film find ways to have a little humor without undoing the serious nature of the ending. In essence, “Bullet Train” is an action adventure film that does not commit the cardinal sin that many films in the genre make by trying to take themselves too seriously.

This film knows how to keep the action going any how to keep the audience interested in the story unfolding before them.

In all, “Bullet Train” is the kind of movie that you can go and see with group of friends or, despite the violence and profanity (there is a lot of both, sometimes written in Japanese), it can even be a fun date night movie.

Even Agatha Christie, the mistress of mystery herself, would probably enjoy this film.

Opens: Friday

Length: 126 minutes

Rating: R

Director: David Leitch

Writer: Zak Olkewicz

Studio: Columbia Pictures

Photo: Scott GarfieldPhoto: Scott Garfield