CYNTHIA CARTER: Deal with anger in positive way

Q: Grandma, how do we control our anger?

A: Kind words can soften an angry heart. You never know what is stored inside of you.

Today, we must be careful what we say and how we say it. People are easily offended because of the anger within. You didn’t cause it, but your words or actions may have caused the anger to surface. If the words are not spoken in a kind manner, they can cause an emotional experience that can be very dangerous, causing the person to act out or do something they will regret.

If something is bothering you, talk to someone you can trust who will listen and help you solve your problems. It pays to think before we act. Get rid of excess baggage we are carrying around and we will see how much better we feel. The load is too heavy to continue to carry.

When we think of anger, it suggests images of yelling, fighting, gunfire, etc. Anger is a human emotion, and we use it to communicate our feelings. Anger should be dealt with wisely. Unfortunately, we have been socialized to suppress our feelings of anger. This causes eruptions of verbal or physical violence.

Four ways that people mismanage their anger are:

1. Somatizers — They are people who never show any signs of anger and internalize their feelings, causing bodily damage, such as migraine headaches, joint pain and other illnesses.

2. Exploders — These are individuals who erupt like a volcano and spread their temper like hot lava, destroying anyone and anything in their path with verbal or physical abuse.

3. Self-punisher: They deny themselves a proper outlet for anger because of guilt. Their behavior includes excessive sleeping, eating and shopping; and

4. Underhanders — Individuals who sabotage or seek revenge against someone, such as through sarcasm, tardiness or not returning phone calls.

Although anger is an emotion we all experience and should recognize when it arises, it is crucial to manage anger. Learn to let go of your feelings of anger before they become toxic to your mind, body and spirit.

Sometimes, just write down what frustrates you and think it through. Turn the pages of your Bible and find some verses that will give you comfort, such as these from Proverbs chapter 15.

1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

2) The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

3) The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.

4) A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

7) The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so.

13) A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

14) The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.

23) A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

28) The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

32) He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.

Ask Grandma is a weekly column written by Cynthia Carter. If you have a question to Ask Grandma, email it to [email protected] and include “Ask Grandma” in the subject line. You also can mail questions to Ask Grandma, c/o The Albany Herald, P.O. Box 48, Albany, GA 31702. Phone-in questions can be left on our Bright Side comment line, (229) 888-9351.