T GAMBLE: In the SEC, there’s nothing like a little cupcake to get things going

Well, the college football season has finally opened back up in full swing. Stadiums are once again full and everyone now holds their breathe awaiting the season outcome. I’m talking about whether or not we have another super COVID-19 outbreak, not the season standings.

I’m just guessing, but I kinda doubt the guy who paints the top of his bald head to look like the University of Georgia’s bulldog got the vaccine. but I could be wrong. He says he does this to carry on a family tradition, as it was his father who did this for years before dying unexpectedly. I think I would have let the family thing die out, but I do understand traditions are important. I also don’t think the two guys painted garnet and gold at the FSU game are likely debating between the one-shot or two-shot vaccine. Maybe one shot or two shots of tequila, but probably not vaccine.

Speaking of tradition, the SEC continued with its tradition of most schools opening against cupcakes. Auburn started against Akron. Akron has won one game over the last two years. They also were almost last in defense in the entire college football Division 1 last year and probably behind several high schools to boot. Auburn won 60-6, and the War Eagles immediately declared Bo Nix a Heisman candidate, unless Tank Bigsby, their star running back, wins it instead. I may be going out on limb, but I don’t think Bo will go 20 for 22 passing against Alabama later this year.

Other SEC schools opened with Florida Atlantic, Louisiana Monroe, Central Michigan, Eastern Illinois, Rice and Kent State. If you are that special type human that enjoys seeing kittens fed to pit bulls, you probably enjoyed these games very much. Poor, poor Vanderbilt opened against East Tennessee State, one of only two teams they have any chance of beating this year. They promptly lost 23-3.

The Commodores play Georgia in a few weeks. Several things will happen at that game. First Vandy will petition the Ivy league for entry right after the game if they still have enough healthy people left to play the remainder of the season. Georgia will score 76, and all Dawg fans will decide their offensive woes have been solved and Daniels should win the Heisman. This is called “The Auburn Delusional Cupcake Enhancement Game Syndrome,” but it can strike any team at any time … see, Notre Dame and Oklahoma each year.

Speaking of Georgia, the ‘Dogs won a very big game Saturday night and almost killed as many people as World War II from boredom in a game that saw no offensive scores. Either Georgia and Clemson have the two best defenses in the last 30 years, or both offenses better get well quick. I haven’t seen offenses retreat this fast since Hitler invaded France. I thought I was watching a soccer game, only with less scoring.

LSU laid an egg against UCLA, and Coach Orgeron may be on the hot seat. He was interviewed about this situation, but I couldn’t understand a word he said as I did not take foreign languages in college. They play McNeese next week — yes, McNeese — and I’ll give a prize to any reader who even knows where that is. I suspect Auburn Syndrome will kick in for them after the game until they play Florida, Ole Miss and Bama all in a row.

But let me not forget to talk a little bit about the NFL as well. Alabama looked very good, or Miami has now reached rock bottom and has become the Akron of Florida. I’ll let you decide which. Auburn still is not scared of Bama and has an excellent chance to beat them. I also predict Nevada will ban gambling this year and Joe Biden will put together a coherent sentence before Christmas. If you have not satisfied your bloodlust yet, you should attend Bama’s game this Saturday as they play Mercer University. I’d have a better chance of outboxing Mohamed Ali in his prime than Mercer winning this one. The ball boy and three cheerleaders will get to play in this one before it is over.

Whatever happens, I’m just glad college football is back. It is heart-warming to watch 18-year-olds play for the love of the game and a couple $100,000 a year. My Auburn team is playing Alabama State this weekend, and I suspect that should lock up the Heisman for Bo … see Auburn Delusional Cupcake Enhancement Game Syndrome.