CARLTON FLETCHER: How dumb do TV executives think we are?

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye.

— Steam

I see where one of our squawkers wants the government to utilize the Army’s Rangers and Eric Holder to take on loud TV ads. And while I can think of a couple of things that might be a tad more important, I do agree that it’s annoying to be shouted at every 12 minutes or so when you’re supposedly being entertained.

I’ve always failed to follow the logic of TV executives: Maybe our audience really doesn’t need a medication that will give them worse symptoms than their illness … I know, shout at them. Or, yeah, that guy does sound like a country bumpkin mumbling around a mouthful of marbles, but if we crank up the volume a bit, I’m sure people will buy cars from him.

I’ve noticed lately that my 12-year-old reacts in the same way to about 73 percent of all TV commercials that she sees, the poorly made local ones as well as the national ones that companies spend millions of dollars on. She’ll watch the ad, get a disgusted look on her face and say, “That’s the stupidest commercial I’ve ever seen.”

I initially pointed out that all ads couldn’t be the stupidest she’d ever seen. But lately, I think she has a point.

I know, I know. Sometimes the really dumb commercials are the ones we remember most. (Who can forget, “I can’t believe I ate the whooole thing?”) And when we remember them, chances are we’ll go out and buy the product advertised. At least that’s the seeming logic of the people who make these ridiculous things and foist them on us.

And, thus, we get that absurd Krystal commercial with the very homely children watching some idiot jump over a stack of hamburgers on an ATV before crashing. Or the ones where, because we saw some hot chick in very revealing clothes eating a very large burger, we’re very likely to go and do the same. (Of course, most guys whose hormones are raging probably grab the keys and head to Hardee’s every time one of those insipid ads airs.)

The most egregious of all to me, though, is the offensive Georgia Lotto commercial in which these annoying voices drone the word “lotto” to the tune of Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture” while different-colored lottery pingpong balls show up everywhere. That’s the one commercial that, as soon as I see the garish woman at its beginning, I immediately hit mute or change channels.

(Note to Georgia Lottery officials: Maybe you’ve been sold that ludicrous theory that if people remember your ad, even if it’s for the wrong reason, it will boost your sales. And while I fail to understand such logic, I will point out that, for most businesses, it’s not a good thing for viewers to mute their TV or change channels just to keep from seeing or hearing your ridiculous ad.)

I’m always amazed when one of the TV networks, looking for a cheap production to kill an hour or two during a slow time of the year, runs a special “TV’s 50 Greatest Commercials” and promotes it like it’s an innovative concept in TV viewing. Sadly, such shows often get good enough ratings to warrant even more such drivel being created in the future.

Here’s the reality, TV execs: We don’t care to see a man and woman sitting in bathtubs in the middle of a field pondering erectile dysfunction. We’re also not so simple-minded that we think we won’t end up paying the price when we change our phone plans and have you cut our bill in half. And as much as I love the O’Jays’ “For the Love of Money,” I’m about ready for the “Get your billions back, America” dude to go away until next tax season.

As dumb as you think we are, we don’t really believe that cats or dogs can talk, dance, drive cars or do anything that’s not related to eating, pooping, barking or shedding. And, trust us, we don’t like Flo or that annoying talking gecko.

Look, we know TV ads are a necessary evil for network TV. You’re putting your shows on the air for free — although people who have cable or one of the satellite services will argue that point — and the sponsors’ ads pay the bills. But here’s a thought: Instead of trying to be so clever and cute, why not just tell us about your product and leave the dog and pony shows for the actors. That’s what you pay them for.

And quit shouting at us!