Dad Advice: Fathers’ wisdom on Father’s Day

ALBANY — There’s no shortage of people, it seems, who will give advice, some good, some bad. Father’s Day, however, is a time when many recall the particular pearls of wisdom they heard when growing up, words of guidance that are in a category all their own.

Call it Dad Advice.

Last week, a number of people in the metro Albany community were asked by Albany Herald staff writers to recall the best advice they got from their respective fathers. Much of it centered on work ethic, education, earning respect, how to live life and how to treat others.

The latter was the case with Cancer Coalition of South Georgia CEO Diane Fletcher. After a few years in her first post-college job as a hospital nurse, she was excited to be offered a new position outside of the hospital. She couldn’t wait to tell her soon-to-be-former supervisor how she thought she was a terrible manager. She mentioned that plan to her father, Gene Miles.

“Oh, no, Diane, you never want to burn bridges when leaving any job, but especially when you are very young in your career. You never know when you may need to turn around and walk back over that same bridge,” she recalled her father saying.

She bit her tongue and, instead, was thankful and positive in that last interaction. A few years later, with two babies, Fletcher needed the flexibility of hospital shifts and reapplied to the hospital. The same manager was still there, Fletcher got a positive reference and she was rehired immediately.

“Through many job changes over decades, I’ve always remembered and applied my dad’s wise advice. And along the way, I found that ‘don’t burn any bridges’ has been an excellent approach for many other aspects of my life as well,” Fletcher said.

Doing the right thing was a common thread.

“I think the most important thing my dad stressed to me was to ‘always do the right thing no matter who is or is not watching.’” Dougherty County Sheriff Kevin Sproul said. “He stressed being a man of integrity in every situation.”

“My Dad taught me always do the right thing because it will carry you a long way,” former Lee County baseball coach and AD Rob Williams said. “Athletically, I made the varsity baseball team as a freshman, and I thought I was pretty good. But the truth is the team wasn’t very good. When I was a sophomore, I played second base and had a brain fart and didn’t cover first base on a ball hit back to the pitcher. When I realized my mistake, I loafed to first. Coach (Alan) Wells pulled me from the game.”

What happened later that day changed Williams’ life.

“When I got home, my dad was sitting at the kitchen table waiting on me,” Williams said. “I thought he was going to take a belt to me. But he just looked at me and said, ‘Son, it doesn’t take any ability to hustle just a little bit more.’ Then he got up and left the room. To tell you the truth, I wish he’d taken that belt to me. That moment has stuck with me all of my life.”

For some, there was no single nugget of wisdom.

“The best advice my dad ever gave me wasn’t a one-time specific thing,” Kayla Kirkland said. “The way he raised me was to think things through and to trust myself. Whenever I wanted to do something he’d say ‘OK, let’s talk about the pros and cons.’ Here I am at 6 years old talking about pros and cons.

“He taught me to make decisions for myself and to trust my own instincts. But if I had questions ask for the advice of others.”

Albany Police Department’s Chief Michael Persley also said the best advice was teaching by example. “It’s not what my father said, it is what he did; his work ethic,” Persley said. “He worked hard all his life. He never called in sick and he never laid out of work. In fact, he worked a full-time job all week and then worked a part-time job on the weekend.”

Education also was stressed by many of the fathers.

“My father always told me, ‘Once you get it in your head, no one can ever take it away from you’ — ‘it’ being knowledge,” Dougherty County Coroner Michael Fowler said. “He taught me that knowledge is valuable and having a good education is priceless.”

“My father was a man of great integrity,” Dougherty County School Superintendent Butch Mosely said. “He taught me to enjoy what I do and to do it with integrity. He stressed the importance of an education, I went off to college he said, ‘Don’t come back home without a degree.’ I never will forget that.”

“Daddy always said that education and lifelong learning was one of the most important things you could do for yourself because no one could ever take that away from you,” Beth English, executive director of Easter Seals Southern Georgia Inc. said.

A strong work ethic also was instilled by many of the fathers.

“My father, he was a hard worker. He told me, ‘A real man never sleeps during the day.’ I keep that with me today. It taught me to work hard, instilled a work ethic and work while other people are sleeping,” Charles Huff, ASU defensive coordinator, said.

Raised by a grandmother and with 17 aunts and uncles, Leesburg businesswoman Shelly Moore’s father has always known how to be determined and go hard for what he wants. He is in his mid-70s with no medications, and still works — many days putting in 12 hours.

“Being self-employed most of his life, he has a lot of experience dealing with and working people — and that valuable insight has been passed along to me,” Moore said. “My husband and I are self-employed. We own three small businesses. With over 25 employees, 500 children and 1,000 parents to answer to on a daily basis, all his wisdom and advice goes a long way. He always says, ‘I know a little about a lot.’

“Being an only child has always allowed me to have a close and unique bond with my daddy. Even now we spend a lot of time together but nothing is as great as the memories we have made hunting, skiing, traveling and small talk around the grill.”

Hobart Corporation Territory Sales Manager Bryan Burruss, who grew up in Albany, quickly recalled many of his father’s witty sayings, but decided the guidance he gave him about working hard had resonated the most.

“I had several manual labor jobs as a teenager and in college,” Burruss said. “My dad used to tell me that all of that hard work would me appreciate a nice non-manual labor job when I got out of college. He was correct.”

“My Dad always told me, ‘Quitters never win,’” said Doffice Johnson, circulation manager of The Albany Herald.

District 1 Dougherty County Commissioner Lamar Hudgins said, “My dad instilled in me to work hard. He told me, ‘Do everything you do the best you can.’ He was a hard-working man, and he always said, ‘Give it your all.’”

“Never be too proud. Honor doesn’t come with a job, it comes with a job well done. Whether pushing a broom or saving lives as a surgeon, a job worth doing is worth doing well,” recalled J.D. Sumner, Doughrty County School System public relations official.

Businessman Jeff Sinyard, a former Dougherty County Commission chairman, said, “My dad, Jimmy Sinyard, is 84 now, and I’m blessed that he and my mom are still alive. The advice that he gave me that’s kind of stuck over the years is a three-fer: ‘Always work hard, treat people like you want to be treated and pay your bills on time. If you do those three things, everything will work out.’”

Albany Civil Rights Institute Executive Director Frank Wilson said his dad’s most memorable advice also involved both work and interaction with others. “Never look down on someone unless you are reaching to help them up,” he said, “and success comes before work in the dictionary only.”

In Albany City Clerk Sonja Tolbert’s case, there was no close relationship with her father. “My father was from Italy, and my mom worked for him in the Garment District in New York,” Tolbert said. “She and I eventually moved to Alabama, so I never really had much of a relationship with my dad.

“I do remember the one time he talked to me on the phone after I’d gotten in trouble and he said, ‘You need to listen to and obey your mother.’ I guess that was his best advice — and it was good advice — but it was also the only advice I remember him giving me.”

Advice on dealing with life was recalled by Claire Fox Hillard, conductor of the Albany Symphony Orchestra and music professor at Darton State College. He said his father gave more advice gleaned from life experiences while his mom focused more on the spiritual and inspirational type.

“My dad was one of the Greatest Generation,” Hillard said. “He never got to go to college because he went to war and when he came back, he had to take over the family business. My dad had to serve in bad times and then he had to learn business (a family owned printing company) on his own.”

Hillard said his father would have liked for him to have followed a similar path, but supported his decision to pursue music. “He was not a musician,” he said. “He was not arts inclined. But he always was 100 percent supportive. Never a guilt trip.”

Two things in particular have stuck with Hillard. “There were three or four sayings he always had, but a couple always come back to me,” Hillard said. “First, you never really know someone until you deal with them in money. Second, never do business with family and friends. I know it sounds hardcore and cold-hearted, but both are true.”

T. Marshall Jones, musician and retired ASU music educator, said some of the best advice his dad gave him involved wise spending. At the time, he was working summers as a waiter at Farmington Country Club in Charlottesville, Va.

“It;d get toward the end of the summer and I’d go buy a few things, maybe a few more than I needed,” Jones recalled. “He said, ‘Don’t spend it all in one place. Save a little for a rainy day.’ I never forgot that.

“Even today when I’m thinking about going on a little splurge, I remember what my dad said. It was good advice.”

Although Regions Bank Business Banking Portfolio Manager and Albany Dougherty Aviation Commission Member Keith Fletcher isn’t too keen on sharing all the details, he distinctly remembers the time one of his father’s favorite sayings really took root in his mind.

“One of his favorite sayings was ‘TINSTAFL (pronounced tin-staffel).’ instead of saying ‘There’s No Such Thing a a Free Lunch’ he would just say ‘TINSTAFL.’ and he would constantly say that when I was little because ‘if it’s too good to be true sometimes it isn’t.’ We actually got my dad a little wooden plaque with the letters burned on it that said TINSTAFL and he still has it in his den. I will never forget that.”

Career choices were also at the heart of much of the advice Albany Convention and Visitors Bureau Executive Director Rashelle Beasley received from her father, and she’s grateful for every bit.

“When I was offered a career change with a huge cut in pay, I called my daddy and told him about the opportunity, explaining it was something I was passionate about, but that the money was gonna hurt the pocketbook,” explained Beasley. “He told me, ‘Well, shug, you gotta do what makes you happy, if you can pay the bills it will work out.’

“As always he continued with, ‘You can do anything you set your mind to, you will make the right decision.’ His advice resulted in me leaving my 11-year career at The Albany Herald and today I am the director of the Albany Convention and Visitors Bureau doing something that I really love. His advice held true. I can make good, tough decisions, and be happy and successful. He also told me, ‘Sometimes you have to go backwards to move forward.’”

A couple of people shared advice from their fathers on The Herald’s Facebook page last week. “Nothing in life is for free. Work hard and save your money. Don’t buy anything on credit if you can help it,” wrote Danielle Amburn. “Don’t eat yellow snow,” wrote Jen Gordon.

Meanwhile, two words summed up his dad’s advice for Albany City Commissioner Roger Marietta: “Think positive.”

Michael Moore ASU men’s basketball coach, said his dad said taught him to be self-reliant. “My father told me, ‘Never ask anybody to do for you that which you can do for yourself,’” he said.

And Bob Parker, who works at Dillard’s and is a photographer, found his father had packaged succinctly how to work, treat others and live life in general. Parker said, “He said, ‘Work hard, and live the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments.’”

Carlton Fletcher, Brad McEwen, Jennifer Parks, Mary Braswell, Chaunte’ Powell, Terry Lewis and Jon Gosa contributed to this article.