Suicide has deep impact on southwest Georgia families left behind

ALBANY — Nearly four years ago, Cordele resident Jeri Hughes lost her husband to suicide. In a support group Hughes attends, the method in which someone dies by suicide is not often talked about openly — but the feelings of guilt and anger are.

In her case, it was the guilt over what more she thought she could have done, and the 1-year-old grandson that her husband will not be able to see grow up. Now she encourages those with thoughts that may lead them toward a similar path to choose life.

Families for Depression Awareness said 90 percent of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental health condition, bringing to the forefront the impact a person’s mental state can have not just on themselves but on their family. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation announced in July that it would issue public service announcements aimed at helping children in crisis after 23 youths in the state had already taken their lives this year.

“We have definitely seen over the last two years an increase (in suicides) in southwest Georgia,” Babs Hall, facilitator of the Southwest Georgia Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group in Albany and corporate compliance officer with Aspire Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities Services, said. “In Georgia we have six regions. We are in Region 4, and we still have the lowest numbers of the state, even though we have seen an increase.

“We have seen an increase in Dougherty County particularly. Our goal is that we want to be on the prevention side.”

Hall said that each Aspire employee, when they are first hired and on an annual basis afterward, undergoes suicide prevention training — because it is hard to know when a life may be saved by that interaction.

Apart from mental illness, the means to die by suicide — ranging from pills to firearms — are becoming a concern because they are accessible to a wide range of people.

“When people have access to a means, that increases the risk,” Hall said.

In her experience with the survivor support group, Hall said she has heard family and friends say that the thought of selfishness is not a factor for them.

“They see it completely the opposite (because the person who took their life) feels like they are a burden,” Hall said.

While the middle-aged white adult male is the demographic most often represented as a suicide candidate, Hall said Aspire has encountered the issue through all demographics. For teenagers, much of the issue centers around social media.

“Their whole lives are broadcast,” she said. “Before Facebook, you could go home and the bully would not be there. People make mistakes, and in their mind it is permanent.”

Hall said Aspire has been heavily involved with schools in southwest Georgia, promoting compassion and openness about feelings when the children there become overwhelmed.

“You have to learn to practice good mental hygiene,” she said.

The Southwest Georgia Suicide Prevention Coalition notes that if a person talks about killing themselves, being a burden to others, having no reason to live, feels depressed, loses interest in certain activities, is angry, irritable, anxious, has a change in sleeping patterns, acts panicked or reckless, gives away their possessions, increases alcohol or drug use — these are all signs that a suicide attempt may be coming.

The overwhelming advice is to say something if these signs are noticed.

“It is better to lose a friend and make them mad than to not say something and lose a life,” Hall said. “When people look back, they can see things people were doing. Ultimately people will have to realize that we will not know the answers. Those whose (loved ones) who did not leave a note wish they had, and those (who found a note) wished they hadn’t. We don’t get a chance to ask those questions. They look back and see intense pain, emotional or physical.

“I would encourage people not to be judgmental. It is not a simple black and white issue. The families who are willing to talk, they understand it was not a black and white issue. There is a lot of gray.”

Dougherty County Coroner Michael Fowler said there were 12 successful suicides in the county in 2016, followed by nine last year and seven so far this year. Data from the Albany Police Department show that 57 suicide attempts were reported in the city in 2016, 38 attempts in 2017 and that there had been 39 attempts in Albany this year as of Nov. 13.

“People need a lot of help,” Fowler said. “A lot of times, people hold things in.”

Fowler, who is in the position to declare a death a suicide if it happens in Dougherty County, said there is no set time of year in which it is most common. Almost all of the cases are persons ages 18 and above, with an older white man suffering from a terminal illness being one of the most common scenarios.

Or, Fowler noted, a person loses his or her job and feels like they have failed their family in acting as the provider.

“The main thing is that (they) need to find someone to (talk to),” he said. “They feel trapped and feel there is no way out. There is always a way out.

“Sometimes they don’t leave a note and (the family members) don’t feel it is possible they could have done it.”

Fowler’s observation is that the large majority, about 90 percent, of men are using guns while most women will take pills. The scene of the death is generally treated as a homicide until the forensic evidence suggests otherwise.

Once suicide is developed as a theory, the next step is to try to determine why.

“We are looking for notes, whether they were under pressure or are undergoing major life changes,” he said. “Sometimes you don’t have the answer, but most times you can find one.”

The coroner did indicate that this holiday season, especially during ongoing recovery from Hurricane Michael, may bring on some increased feelings of depression.

“During the holidays people will do it,” he said. “If they can’t buy their kids toys, they feel like a failure. (Because of the storm) we may have one of the worst Christmases we have had.

“We didn’t lose life during the storm. You can always get toys. Sooner or later, you can get those things.”

Hughes is coming up on the anniversary of her husband’s suicide, which took place after he had experienced “a lot of loss, a lot of pain.”

“The next year was a total blur. I slept a lot,” she said. “I decided I wanted to live; I felt like I needed to live.”

Victoria Jones, a nurse practitioner with Phoebe Behavioral Health, said she works with both children and adults, and that the stigma around mental illness remains evident as does the presence of suicidal thoughts.

“Right now, I do consults in the (Phoebe Putney Memorial) hospital, and over half are related to suicidal idealizations,” she said.

Thoughts or acts of suicide can be written off as someone simply going through a hard time. Jones said that when it gets to a point that it needs to be talked about, often a person will bring it up to their primary care physician first.

“They will say, ‘There is a lot going on, but I am OK,’” she said. “But they are not OK. (Usually if they are asked), they will tell you something is wrong.”

Jones said men may not seek treatment in the interest of appearing strong for the rest of the household. She said overdoses are a significant factor, because those already with an addiction problem who want to stop see it as a way to cope.

“We all have our own curveballs,” she said. “There can be a new diagnosis of cancer, the loss of a home, a new job, children, marriage. It is OK not to be OK. A lot of people don’t like to admit it.”

Jones said that while medications can help with moods, therapy is a recommended way to cope. A situation cannot easily change, but how the individual responds can be altered. Indeed, the response to change can have an even bigger impact than the change itself.

“People may not adjust as you would expect,” Jones said. “That itself can bring on depression if they don’t adjust. With a new job, you would expect them to be happy, but they may be depressed if they do not adjust the right way.

“Definitely be open-minded, prepare as much as you can and develop coping mechanisms.”

Bullying in school hallways, for something as insignificant as not being dressed a certain way, may not be taken seriously. What might be even more overlooked is how bullying can leak its way into adulthood.

“Sometimes it can happen in the workplace,” Jones said. “(If) there is an altercation, sometimes (employees) are talked down to and have to interact with them on a daily basis.

“If they are not at work or school, they are at home. One of those environments has to be in a good place, or they bring that into other environments.”

As far as coping mechanism go, Jones said keeping a journal, listening to music and taking on hobbies can make a big difference.

“It is when you are by yourself and have those thoughts (that it is dangerous),” she said.

The most important thing to do, she said, is to reach out. But that first step is often the most difficult.

“There are no limits on what can be done to assist you,” Jones said.

Hughes joined the Southwest Georgia Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group that meets monthly in Albany. It is a peer-led group, and the volunteer facilitators are trained and certified through the National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare in Sandy Springs.

She has since begun facilitating a similar group in Cordele.

“I didn’t know this stuff existed until it happened to me,” she said. “It got me through all the hard stuff, anniversaries, birthdays, it got me through it.”

She also takes part in the annual National Alliance on Mental Illness walks. In those walks, she participates with the “Stomping Elephants” team. The animal symbolizes the “elephant in the room” in regards to mental illness and suicide, and the elephant the team uses as its logo has semicolons for its tusks.

“Don’t end your story with a period,” Hughes said while explaining the significance of the semicolons.

As she has learned more about the signs of suicide, Hughes said her husband fit many of them — something she did not recognize until later. She lauds NAMI for its efforts in raising money for education, and for conducting peer-to-peer and family classes.

Another piece of knowledge she has gained is how prevalent suicide is, and that almost everyone who has lost a family member to suicide is like her in that they suffer from feelings of guilt that they could have done more.

Oftentimes, for the person who ultimately takes their life, it is a matter of small things building up.

“(If you are considering suicide) talk to someone,” she said. “The thing we all have in common as suicide (loss) survivors is the guilt that we carry.”

Hughes’ concern is for youths and the stressors in society that they have a hard time attempting to process.

“They have a temporary problem but enact a permanent solution,” she said. “Young folks don’t understand that you will get through it and move on.

“The worst part is for the survivors. We all have to figure out how to move on.”

Hughes said the experience has changed her in that she has become more aware of people’s feelings and has incentive to make the most out of her life.

“I miss him,” she said. “I think about it every single minute of every single say. There is no such thing as recovery (from suicide loss).”

Talking to someone about feelings of hopelessness does not apply just to those considering suicide. Those who lose someone to suicide, if they do not talk about it, can see those feelings boil over.

“For some people, it takes years to come out,” Hughes said. “I waited a year. I was physically sick, and lost weight.

“I think my kids are glad I reached out. I don’t think I would be this far along without (the support group).”

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says that, on average, one person dies by suicide every six hours in Georgia — and nearly twice as many in the state die annually by suicide than by homicide. The financial impact to Georgia is $1.3 billion of combined lifetime medical and work loss in 2010, an average of $1.1 million per suicide death, based on 2016 data.

Suicide is the 11th-leading cause of death in Georgia, the second-leading cause of death for those ages 25-34, the third-leading cause of death for those ages 15-24, fourth-leading cause of death for ages 34-54, 10th-leading cause of death for ages 55-64 and the 17th-leading cause of death for ages 65 and older, the AFSP said.

The AFSP said Georgia ranked No. 34 nationally with a rate of 13.27 suicides per 100,000 people and 1,409 deaths in 2016. The total deaths to suicide reflect 29,763 years of potential life lost before age 65.

The AFSP’s national data said that each year, 44,965 Americans die by suicide — which is the 10th-leading overall cause of death in the U.S. and accounts for a rate of 13.42 per 100,000 people. For every suicide, there are 25 attempts. Suicide costs the U.S $69 billion annually. On average, there are 123 suicides per day.

To learn about the Albany suicide loss support group, visit www.facebook.com/swgasuicideprevention, call (229) 234-7954 or email [email protected]. Details discussed in the group remain confidential.

If someone is in crisis, or notices signs of a suicide attempt being imminent, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255. The AFSP has a survivor outreach program, and additional information can be found by calling 1-888-333-2377 or visiting www.afsp.org/outreachprogram.

More information about Families for Depression Awareness can be found at www.familyaware.org or by calling (781) 890-0220.

Jennifer Parks