BOB KORNEGAY: Emu stamps could have been really expensive

I once hunted pheasants in the Midwest and immensely enjoyed the experience. Ring-necked pheasant hunting is a time-honored American sporting tradition.

As I hunted these noble birds over snow-sprinkled Iowa corn stubble, I knew I was hunting exotic game, wildlife not native to this country. That did little to detract, however, from the excitement of pursuing these ring-necked rockets across the plains.

The people who long ago brought pheasants from Asia and released them on American soil did a rare good thing regarding non-native wildlife stocking. A fellow who 20 years ago tried a similar experiment near Milledgeville was not so successful.

According to the Associated Press article of the day, this particular guy set free 61 emu chicks on 2,100 acres of land along the Oconee River. His stated purpose was to leave the birds alone for a time until a huntable population of the large feathered creatures was established.

What the fellow didn’t consider was the ostrich-like emus’ potential environmental threat and their penchant for wandering onto other private and public properties. When word got out to the proper authorities, the latter-day “game manager” spent quite some time rounding up the roving subjects of his experiment gone awry.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” the man reportedly said.

As bad as this stocking attempt was in its failure, think how much worse it might have been had it worked. I mean, what if by now wild emus were as plentiful in the South as, say, wild turkeys?

“Get ready, Joe Earl,” Luther whispers. “There’s a big old gobbler coming over that rise and he’s hot to trot. Be real still and try not to spook him. Then shoot him when he comes clear.”

Surely enough, over the rise comes the sex-starved “gobbler.” The bird weighs 100 pounds and stands roughly five feet tall. Topping it off, he is not in a particularly benevolent mood.

“Dang, Luther,” Joe Earl exclaims, “that turkey’s bigger’n the Incredible Hulk!”

“Shoot him!” Luther screams. “Shoot that thang!”

“Bawhoom!” goes Joe Earl’s trusty 12-gauge.

Fast-forward a few days. During visiting hours at the local hospital, Luther attempts to comfort and console his long-time hunting partner.

“Sure am sorry about that right ear, old buddy, but, you know, that big old tom swallered it right down before I had a chance to take it away from him.”

“Aw, I ain’t worried about a little somethin’ like that,” moans Joe Earl. “Doc says I can get by fine with one ear. What he’s frettin’ about is fillin’ in this 3-inch-deep footprint between my shoulder blades.”

Luther, driving from the hospital in deepening twilight and worried about the plight of his best friend, narrowly misses hitting six emus feeding along the highway right of way a few miles from his house.

“Must be somethin’ in the water around here,” he mutters. “Here lately we’re growin’ off some dadgum big turkeys!”

A few short years later, these “dadgum big turkeys” have replaced our traditional big game animals in the hearts and minds of Southern sportsmen. Magazines and outdoor websites are featuring annual emu forecasts. State wildlife management areas are running quota emu hunts and the inevitable emu/car collisions are steadily on the rise. We have emu-calling contests sponsored by the National Wild Emu Federation. There is also a problem with nuisance emus that decimate our gardens, orchards, and peanut fields.

Emus Unlimited is raising funds for the preservation of emu habitat nationwide and emu hunters are now required to purchase a Migratory Emu Stamp from the federal government before going hunting. The stamp is the size of a picture postcard and sells for $700.

Alas, that begs the question. How , oh, how am I going to come up with that figure and still be able to make the payment on my prime-habitat emu lease this year?

Contact outdoors columnist and writer Bob Kornegay at [email protected].