CARLTON FLETCHER: Perdue has become nation’s sycophant-in-chief

Let me tell you how it will be: There’s one for you, nineteen for me. ‘Cause I’m the taxman.

— The Beatles

Being David Perdue’s PR person has to be one of the easiest jobs in the world.

You just need a thesaurus to come up with new ways to say Donald Trump’s actions — his every move — are amazing, wonderful, courageous, historic, good for America and super-duper, and you’ll be getting a fat end-of-year bonus that maybe will move you into that tax bracket where you get a great big ol’ tax break.

It’s almost as if the second Trump makes an announcement, Perdue races to be the first sycophant to talk about how monumental that decision is. I can just see him running down the halls of Congress, knocking aides and interns aside, the breeze of his hustle adding a gentle muss to his $200 haircut, yelling before he even gets into his office, “We’ve got to put out a press release before Mitch McConnell does!”

If Trump makes an announcement — whether its concerning new legislation, a politician he’s trying to help get elected or his take on Kristen Stewart’s relationship with Robert Pattinson — seconds later Perdue releases a statement in support of whatever Trump says. I’d be willing to bet a portion of the new taxes I’ll be paying soon to supplement this country’s wealthy that Perdue personally — can’t trust something so important to a mere staffer — clicks on the heart button with every tweet the president sends out.

Shortly after Perdue was elected to serve in the Senate, he met with this newspaper’s editorial board. One of his primary topics of discussion was fiscal responsibility. Now anyone who’s even glanced at the Trump “40 acres, a mule, and a big ole vacation home in Bermuda” tax plan knows it’s flawed. Hell, Republican senators and congressmen whose noses are almost as brown as Perdue’s have even dared say so … out loud!

Not our junior senator. Here’s what he said:

“The U.S. Senate passed a historic tax bill, the first one since 1986. I’m very excited because this will be so stimulative for our economy. Our workers will become competitive again and capital formation is coming out of the woodwork to support this economy. I’m extremely pleased we got this done.”

I’m not quite sure what “capital formation” is — I think it’s something like everyone in the top 1 percent of 1 percent who spent the days after Trump’s tax fiasco was announced rolling around in their piles of money like Scrooge McDuck — but it’s a safe bet that senior citizens and people who actually work for a living are not coming out of the woodwork to do anything but try and figure out how they’re going to support families that have the aggravating habit of wanting to eat at least a couple of times a day.

Here’s some more of Perdue’s reaction to the taxation blood-letting:

”President Trump said job one is growing the economy, by rolling back regulations, going after our energy potential, which we’ve done, and now fixing the tax code. What we’ve got is a situation where this economy is going to grow.

“As a business guy who lived and worked around the world, I have full confidence this tax package is going to be so stimulative. The rest of the world woke up Saturday morning and took a deep breath because they were so afraid we weren’t going to do this. America is back in business globally.”

And, lest we forget:

”The person who is going to benefit the most from this tax plan is the person that gets a job.”

OK, Senator Perdue, we get it. You’ve decided that the way to move your political career forward is to suck up like an ElectroLux to the guy in the Oval Office. But please quit trying to con the rest of us into believing that hitching your wagon to Donald Trump — and securing it in place with Gorilla Glue — is in any way beneficial to anyone other than you.

Sorry, but the overwhelming majority of us that you swore to represent are not impressed with your undying devotion to the president. We’re too busy figuring out how to keep the lights on for another month.

Email Carlton Fletcher at [email protected]. Follow @ABH_Fletcher on Twitter.