CARLTON FLETCHER: The inanity of the dreaded ‘O-word’

“I’ve wasted all my tears, Wasted all those years.”

— Simply Red

I admit I was confused at first when I heard someone use the term “the O-word” as if it fit among the other one-letter offensive word identifiers (i.e., N-, F-, C- and such). When the person who used the term explained that they were referencing the word “old,” I remained perplexed.

Has “old” — aging — become in this day of instant gratification and ever more products that promise the fountain of youth a swear word? (We used to call them “ugly words” before they somehow were OK’d for everyday use.) Has old — getting older — become such a horror, it can’t even be spoken aloud lest it rain wrinkles and male-pattern baldness down on the hearer?

Aging in 21st-century America has become, to a degree, a faux pas so egregious that men now use more products to hide their years than women have ever been accused of doing. And women of a certain age are dressing in a manner that takes them through three different cycles of vintage wear, back to the days when they could pull off such costumes and draw looks for very different reasons — appreciation vs. derision.

Republicans, seeing poll numbers that show their man in the White House is now trailing both Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders in recent polls (which, as Trump supporters should know, mean nothing), have started attacking both Democrats for being “too old.” (Ironically, their man is 73 — certainly no spring chicken — but such subtleties are lost on true believers.)

There was a time when people who had lived an appreciable amount of time were actually revered. Churches deferred business to the “elders,” and both the Native American and Chinese cultures — at least according to the movies we watched — bestowed honor and respect on their elderly citizens, the fact that they’d accumulated years adding up to accrued wisdom in the eyes of the younger.

Now, old has become the “O-word,” and young people look on anyone past a certain age — or anyone who hasn’t slathered him- or herself with enough product to look younger than that certain age — a relic, a dinosaur, a person too out of touch in this modern age to understand the complexities of technology that moves at the speed of sound.

The more senior among us often give in to the stereotypes they’ve been relegated to, and they lament the passage of time with such pearls of wisdom as “Life’s just passed me by …” and “This time wasn’t meant for me …” and “If I could just go back and know then what I know now …” (As far as the latter goes, I’m more inclined toward Bob Seger’s brilliant analysis: “I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.”)

A couple of parting notes to the representatives of these younger generations — X, Y, Z, the millennials — that have taken over the business world, the entertainment industry and virtually every aspect of pop culture: First of all, you’re not as damned smart as you think you are, so you can put that false assumption to rest. Secondly, despite all the technological wizardry that you’ve developed, the best of your female population — which, let’s face it, has ruled every succeeding generation since Adam and Eve — can’t hold a candle to the women of the Greatest and baby boom generations, a great many of whom are just now nearing a prime that your ladies will never know.

So nyah.

And for those of us who look at age as nothing more than a number, if we survive your abuse of this planet we’ve handed down to you, we’ll be around to see you all one day staring in the mirror and wondering where the time went. It marches on … and it’s the ones who aren’t intimidated by its passage who’ll still be enjoying life while you’re moving from one baldness cure to the next.

As they say, it’s all about getting the last laugh, the sweetest one of all.

Staff Photo