SCOTT LUDWIG: A tall, useful idiot

Some of the toughest men in movies are only five feet and seven inches tall. That is, if you consider five feet and seven inches tall. Although it’s not a height conducive to dunking a basketball (Spud Webb being the exception), it’s a different story altogether on the big screen.

To illustrate my point: Have you ever seen a photograph of James Dean or Tom Cruise on a basketball court? Of course not; they’re both five-seven. But on the big screen, they both come across as big, strong, and tough as nails.

Heck, even Duane Lee Chapman – Dog the Bounty Hunter – only measures 67 inches from head to toe. He looks much bigger than that on television. Maybe he only hunts short people.

Guess who else is five-foot-seven. Yep, the “Russian bear himself, Vladimir Putin.

There’s a photograph you can probably picture in your mind: Donald Trump standing alongside Putin. Six-three (and 215 pounds) right next to five-seven, a noticeable difference of eight inches.

That may not seem like much, but if we’re being honest, seeing the two of them together sort of reminds me of the two main characters from “Of Mice and Men,” Lennie and George – the former tall and dumb, and the latter short and savvy. Anything sound familiar so far?

So how did the friendship between these two men develop? I’m not talking about Lennie and George, but since you asked, in the John Steinbeck classic, George told Lennie what to do.

Rather, I’m referring to the friendship between the Red Bear and the Orange Scare that, now that I think about it, sounds a lot like the relationship between George and Lennie.

However the relationship began (stories vary, so draw your own conclusion), the sad fact is that it exists. While serving as president, Trump never publicly acknowledged any of Putin’s many shortcomings. For example, about six years ago, when Trump was questioned about the possibility of Russia meddling in the election, this was his response:

‘I don’t see any reason why it (Russia) would be. President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today.’

So, if a dictator says he’s innocent, then it must be so.

In other words, Trump demonstrated yet again that he’s the type of guy who shows up for his first salsa lesson with a bag of tortilla chips in his hand. And goes to bed at night wondering how fire-breathing dragons blow out their birthday candles.

Then, after losing the 2020 presidential election, Trump suggested that parts of the U.S. Constitution should be considered for “termination.” And he actually said out loud for everyone to hear that Russia can do “whatever the hell they want” to any NATO country that “doesn’t pay enough.”

What power, exactly, does Putin have over this much taller man? It’s got to be more than the alleged golden shower recordings (my personal explanation for Putin’s hold over Trump), doesn’t it?

Since Trump (albeit unwillingly and not without heavy resistance) left office, Russia has invaded Ukraine, and Russian opposition leader Alexey Navalny has died in prison. Both fall squarely on the shoulders of Putin: The first is something he freely boasts about, and the other he’s being awfully quiet about.

Here’s my theory. Putin is responsible for both for one of two reasons:

(1) He’s showing his disappointment and frustration that his No. 1 puppet wasn’t reelected in 2020, or …

(2) … he’s doing everything in his power to make Joe Biden look bad, so that Trump will win back voters and get re-elected in 2024.

Then again, I could have it all wrong. Maybe it’s simply both.

If you’ve never read “Of Mice and Men,” you might want to stop right here because I’m about to wrap this up with a spoiler alert:

The book ends with George shooting Lennie in the back of the head. The moral of the story is this: Someone best be looking over his shoulder. And while he’s at it, he might want to keep an eye on his pen pal, Kim Jong Un.

North Korea’s mean-spirited dictator is the same height as that short guy in Top Gun.