SCOTT LUDWIG: Biden my time

Recently, the President of the United States spoke for half an hour in prime time to address a problem that no president in history ever had to deal with: a threat to democracy … from within. Specifically, the extremist MAGA Republicans. (I can see your face turning red from here, Lindsey “Riots in the Streets” Graham.) As far as I know, it was the first time No. 46 specifically mentioned No. 45 by name since taking over the Oval Office. I doubt No. 45’s face turned red, though. Then again, it’s not always easy to distinguish red from orange.

Biden’s oration was desperately needed to wake up our country. Long overdue, IMHO, but he got his point across. I have my fingers crossed that it will do some good, but I’m not holding my breath. One thing I’ve learned these past six years is that some minds are just not going to change, regardless of the facts.

Anyway, I thought I’d lend No. 46 a hand. I’ll address a few of those extremists to whom Biden referred. Although he didn’t mention them by name, I will. I doubt it will make the right impression on those dead-set in their beliefs, but I’ll try anyway. I thought if I pointed out the error of their ways, so to speak, then maybe, just maybe, some of it might sink in. But like I said, I’m not holding my breath.

♦ I would watch a Raphael Warnock-Herschel Walker debate, even if it was on pay-per-view. If you have to ask why, don’t bother telling me who you’re voting for, I already know.

♦ For a state so adamant about the right to bear arms, it’s ironic that Uvalde police officers, standing in the hallway of Robb Elementary School brandishing rifles and bulletproof shields, simply stood around with their trigger fingers up their behinds when they had every reason in the world to open fire.

♦ No, I haven’t forgotten about Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who waited almost three months after the Uvalde tragedy before meeting with the victims’ families. This is the same man who once implored Texans to buy more guns because their state was lagging behind California in sales. And that’s just the tip of the Abbott Iceberg.

♦ How is Florida representative Matt Gaetz not behind bars by now? The man was one step away from being incarcerated for underage sex trafficking not that long ago. Yet somehow this human oil slick remains on the loose. Young women everywhere need to watch their backs — as well as all the other parts of their bodies.

♦ It’s difficult keeping track of how many “politically motivated witch hunts” — according to the defense strategy of the lawyers of No. 45 — are underway. It could be enough to cause a national shortage of ketchup. Best to stock up on Heinz while you still can.

♦ Speaking of America’s favorite condiment, here’s the first paragraph of America’s favorite redacted affidavit:

Fffff cccc ccccccc /////// //// //////// //// Xxxx Xxxxccccccc Xxxx Xxxx Xxxx Xxxx Xxxx Xxxxccccccc Xxxxcccccccccccc ccccc Cccccc Xxxx Xxxx Xxxxccccccc ccccc ketchup ccccc cccccccc Coc Xxxx Xxxx Xxxxccccccc Xxxxccccccc ccccc cccccc cccccccc.

♦ Among Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar’s credentials: His tweet of an altered anime video portraying himself as an animal killing AOC, calling the Uvalde shooter a “transsexual leftist illegal alien,” and claiming insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt was “executed.” Quite the resume. He’s up for re-election in November, so he can be stopped. Voters take note: Gosar’s very own brother has publicly apologized for him on behalf of the sane members of his family, even going so far as to call him a traitor to this country.

♦ Riddle me this, Batman: If those documents were planted by the FBI, why did No. 45 say he wanted them back? Or did he call them declassified? His rhetoric on the matter is a verbal game of whack-a-mole.

♦ As for No. 45’s lawyer saying classified documents were like overdue library books: (a) overdue library books never got anyone killed, and (b) that’s not a very good analogy to use for a man who has never stepped foot inside of a library.

♦ The GOP refers to the attack on the Capitol as ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse. Yeah, and World War II was a minor disagreement amongst friends.

♦ Does Florida Governor Ron ‘Mini-Me’ DeSantis seriously believe anyone seeing him wearing a bomber jacket would make them think of Tom Cruise? The man is out of his mind, and I’m not only referring to his Top Gun impression. Florida needs to be DeSantistized. Fast.

♦ It doesn’t constitute a raid if a subpoena was served and there was notification as to when and where a search warrant would be executed — no matter what No. 45 says.

♦ First, there were threats of violence and death threats to poll workers and election officials. Then there were threats of violence and death threats to the FBI and other law enforcement agencies. Respectively, they are the direct result of the former president of law and order claiming a rigged election (false) and a raid on his residence (also false). As far as threats are concerned, facts — apparently — aren’t important.

♦ Over in Bizarro World, Georgia representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is known for her unique vocabulary. “Gazpacho police.” “Commander and chief.” “Peach tree dish.” (Bless her heart). Meanwhile, here on earth, we say Gestapo, commander-in-chief, and petri dish, respectively. Like her soulmate in Arizona, she’s up for re-election in November. She can be stopped as well.

♦ Four hundred and forty. That’s how many times No. 45 invoked the fifth amendment. Doesn’t that tell you something?

♦ Possible reasons for No. 45 pleading the fifth 440 times? Voter fraud. Witness tampering. Insurrection. Espionage. Bribes. Blackmail. Treason. Extortion. Tax fraud. Obstruction of justice. Nepotism. Hush money. Veiled threats. Have I missed any? (Probably.)

♦ ♦ ♦

I realize this narrative isn’t the most politically correct, but one thing I’ve learned these past six years is that political correctness is no longer a concern for some people. At this point in time, it seems that nothing is off-limits — and everything is fair game.

For example, MAGA Republicans have referred to Biden’s speech as Satanic and shameful, some even comparing it to the rhetoric of Hitler and the Nazi party. That is, quite literally, about as far away from being politically correct as it gets.

The bottom line is this: If the MAGA Republicans were as upset about the raid on the Capitol as they are about the raid at Mar-A-Lago, we wouldn’t be where we are at the moment: on the precipice of losing our democracy.

And standing on the doorstep of insanity.

We’ll know when we’ve stepped through the front door when we see a man wearing a jumpsuit the color of his skin campaigning for the highest office in the land.