SCOTT LUDWIG: Choosing the best ‘horation’ from deserving candidates

Horation … OK, so it’s not really a word. “Horation” is actually a blend of two words: “horrible” and “oration.” It was coined by, well, me, to describe what comes out of the mouths of the Trump administration.

Recently, Trump and his band of merry men (and women) elevated horation into an art form. If I didn’t know otherwise, I would think they were competing with one another to see who could outdo the rest with the most alarming, absurd, or ridiculous statements (often all three).

Let’s take a look at what some of the contestants had to say in the last few weeks:

— Military leaders from all around the world gathered for the biggest and arguably most expensive pep rally the country has ever seen. The only things missing were cheerleaders – and an iota of enthusiasm from the captive audience. The first speaker was Pete Hegseth, a former Fox News host and man of questionable conduct who is now (don’t laugh) the Secretary of the Department of War. Hegseth’s more memorable lines – and make no mistake; there were many – included “It’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon and leading commands around the country and world,” which was later followed by “No more beardos — the era of rampant and ridiculous shaving profiles is done.” You could read the collective thought balloon of everyone in the room: ‘Why didn’t he just send an email?”
It’s worth mentioning that the top two men in the country who “lead commands” are Donald Trump, a shining example of physical fitness if there ever was one, and J.D. Vance, who beneath all that makeup sports a beard.

— One more from Hegseth: “Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision and ferocity of the War Department. No doubt Hegseth thought it would be received with thunderous applause; instead, there have been louder crowds watching Tiger Woods standing over a putt to win the Masters.

— Pam Bondi gave a master class on dodging questions – something everyone in the Trump administration is prone to do – during her appearance at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, particularly in her interaction with California Senator Adam Schiff. As Schiff listed the questions Bondi failed to answer – about the $400 million “gift” from the Qataris, Tom Holman’s $50,000 bribe, the Epstein files, etc. – the Attorney General of the United States of America interrupted with one snide comment after another that had absolutely nothing to do with the subject at hand. “Will you apologize to Donald
Trump for trying to impeach him after you now know that Joe Biden tried to cover up Hunter Biden’s involvement with Ukraine?” and “Do you have a law degree, Sen. Schiff?’ and “What about the fires in California?” and “Do you care about that, Sen. Schiff?’”and “Are the riots in L.A. serious?” Calling it juvenile gives juveniles a bad name. At one time, I thought Ron DeSantis had the face I’d most like to punch in Washington, D.C. Not anymore.

— Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, who has the most punchable face between DeSantis and Bondi, admitted that “People’s faith in government is at an all-time low.” It’s worth noting that all three branches of the government are controlled by his very own Republican party.

— This one gets special recognition because it’s not easy speaking with your foot in your mouth. Stephen Miller, Trump’s ghoul-in-chief, was asked by CNN whether the administration would abide by a district judge’s order that blocked the National Guard’s deployment in Oregon. He began to answer but abruptly stopped when he stuck his size
8 loafers down his throat: “Under Title 10 of the U.S. Code, the president has plenary authority, has …” Plenary authority means a person has complete and absolute power to take action on any particular issue without any limitations. Mussolini, for instance. And Hitler. When Miller realized what he said – or when someone in his ear was lambasting him for his poor choice of words – 15 seconds elapsed before CNN switched to a commercial break.

— Robert F. Kennedy Jr. probably had a doozy or two that passed me by. That’s because every time he opens his mouth, I’m reminded of the Rev. Jim ‘Iggy’ Ignatowski, the Christopher Lloyd character on the television comedy “Taxi,” at which point I stop listening because I’m laughing too hard.

— One more before voting for the winner. Our last contestant is none other than POTUS himself, Donald Trump. In what may prove to be a blue-ribbon performance, he made the following comments: In the aforementioned pep rally for the military leaders, Trump said the country was “under invasion from within” and that soldiers should use “dangerous cities’ (i.e. blue cities like Portland and Chicago) as “training grounds.” (Sounds kind of plenary to me. Not to mention absolutely terrifying.)
Speaking with Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, Trump rambled on about any number of subjects. It was hard picking the dumbest of the dumb, but let’s go with this because Trump apparently considered it to be vitally important for the Prime Minister to hear: “We have no men in women’s sports. I mean, basic things. We’re not going to take your child away and change the sex of your child.” How Carney kept a straight face through it all I’ll never know.
Not only did Trump say stupid things, he also did stupid things. Raise your hand if you’ve seen the AI-generated video of Chuck Schumer saying lots of nasty things while standing next to Hakeem Jeffries with a super-imposed mustache and sombrero on his head. I don’t know about you, but it made me wonder how Trump finds time to do his regular job, which is playing golf.

I should mention that the only member of the Republican party who is currently making any sense is none other than loyal Trump supporter and bootlicker extraordinare Marjorie Taylor Greene. She is, bless her heart, blaming top Republicans for failing to end the ongoing government shutdown. She also wants the Epstein files released. It’s a sad, sad day when MTG is the sole voice of reason in the GOP.

Before you cast your vote for the winner, one last comment for your consideration. At a cabinet meeting with his pander bears on Oct. 9, Trump admitted that “We have some shockingly low IQ people in government.” It may well be the smartest thing he’s said since he won the election … although he did fail to mention that he is one of the people in government he was referring to. Case in point, this post he made on Truth Social:

“THE BIDEN FBI PLACED 274 AGENTS INTO THE CROWD ON JANUARY 6. If this is so, which it is, a lot of very good people will be owed big apologies. What a SCAM – DO SOMETHING!!! President DJT”

Apparently he forgot – or is oblivious to – the fact that he, not Joe Biden, was president at the time. Then again, that’s what his pander bears are for. To remind him