T GAMBLE: In the SEC, next year’s preparation is under way

The college football season has finally reached a merciful end and I can now resume living a normal life. Yes, the NCAA crowned a new National Champion, who became the champ two years ago by beating the folks who were champs last year, and the year before these guys they beat were National Champs the first time. Got it?

Clemson annihilated Alabama to claim the trophy, and I couldn’t have enjoyed it any more if Auburn had won the thing, which would have been pretty hard to accomplish considering we couldn’t even beat Tennessee, but we did destroy Purdue in the bowl game.

Alabama is now left to decide whether or not to fire Coach Nick Saban since he has now lost four games, in four years, and only won two of the last four national titles. Anyone with a brain can see he is now on the downhill run, and Mark Richt won’t stay available forever you know. Saban might also retire. He may decide to replace Tony Robbins as a motivation coach and ambassador of feeling good with his cheerful disposition and genuine love of people, especially reporters.

Georgia continues to insist they should have been able to lose their way into the playoffs. They played their first big game of the year against LSU and got slaughtered 36-16 in a game that was not as close as the score indicated. They promptly announced they were better than LSU and would beat them eight out of 10 times if they played some more. They then played their second big game against Alabama, jumped out to a big 21-7 lead and then got clobbered 28-7 the rest of the way, so they announced that Alabama did not want to play them again.

Unfortunately, Texas did want to play them and Georgia did not want to play anybody, it appeared. They were manhandled, so the team rallied after the game by announcing the entire junior and redshirt sophomore classes were turning pro. This turn of events led to the exciting announcement posted on Facebook, over and over, that their kicker announced he was not turning pro, which I suppose saves the day after all. There is still no word as to whether the punter will stay or go.

Vanderbilt announced they will try to field a team again next year but complained that all other SEC schools had an academic advantage because Vandy requires football players to attend class and take a major that at least remotely might be used by a human being in the future. Florida filed a protest stating practice followed by six hours at the bar should qualify as class attendance, with extra credit if done so wearing blue jean shorts. Mississippi State asked for a clarification concerning what exactly a class is, noting Jackie Sherrill’s bull castration class still qualifies for two semesters of Biology.

Auburn announced that all of its underclassmen were returning next year. The rest of the SEC said “Great!” in unison. Auburn struggled with whether to give Gus another big raise after he set the record for most points scored in a bowl game in a half against a team playing more than three crippled defensive players. Auburn wished to increase the buy-out another $10 million per year to avoid the possibility that someone else will steal Gus away without realizing no one is going to steal Gus … really, no one is going to steal Gus.

Florida claims they are now back and offers as proof their destruction of Michigan in the bowl game. Michigan played three lacrosse players and a ping-pong player on defense after the entire defense decided to sit out the bowl and go pro. Yes, this early departure and right to sit out the bowls has made Vegas bookies really happy. South Carolina now knows they will get no recruits from South Carolina or Georgia or Alabama, which means their team will come mostly from South Dakota.

Texas A&M won their bowl big, and Dumbo Jumbo Fisher may have a championship team next year if he can recruit hard in the Texas Penitentiary. Ole Miss is still trying to retrieve all the phone numbers from Hugh Freeze’s phone, which should help recruiting next year tremendously. Kentucky thinks they have finally turned the corner but let’s face it, they are Kentucky. LSU’s Coach Orgeron made a big oral announcement, and it has been sent to the CIA code breakers where hopefully it will be deciphered before spring practice.

Tennessee is playing Rocky Top somewhere and dreaming of Tee Martin, who I think is off playing around with Herschel Walker. Missouri hopes to contend next year if the student body doesn’t fire the coach again. And Arkansas? Well, they got Clemson’s old quarterback, so watch out. I can hardly wait for next year.

Email T Gamble at [email protected].