T. GAMBLE: Keeping an eye on rulebreakers

As we all know, or at least I know, golf is the one sport that is a stickler for rules more than any other.

That, in and of itself, should be reason enough for me never to play it.

Golf requires a certain level of self-imposed rule-following, making it entirely unsuited for playing with any of my friends. Last week, however, LPGA star Lexi Thompson ran afoul of these stickler rules while seemingly on her way to victory in the first women’s major of the year.

Lexi was cruising toward the last day with a three-stroke lead when it was revealed that she marked her ball prior to putting on Saturday, and then replaced it to putt perhaps a tenth of an inch closer than the original mark, which, of course, in golf is a cardinal sin akin to ax murdering your next door neighbor. She was then penalized four strokes for the misplacement and, perhaps, pistol-whipped later, costing her the major and about $300,000.

Let me first say, I am well familiar with this particular violation of golf’s rule.

I have been playing with my golf mates and seen an eight-foot putt marked and then, low and behold, it become a three-foot putt — all right before my very eyes.

See, my playing partners understand if you are going to cheat, then, by God , cheat. If your ball is behind a bush, don’t move it a little where you still have to bend around the tree. No, move it clear of the tree and also put it on top of a ground mole hill, so it will be teed up a little. Then brag about how high you hit that 7 iron.

The most amazing thing about the whole event is that the officials did not catch this infraction, but rather a TV viewer emailed in and reported it. Let that sink in a minute.

A drunk, beer-bellied, unemployed, wife-beating redneck can be now recognized as a golf official. Who knew it was that easy? I’ll get liquored up next weekend and show up at the Masters, ready to call the shots at Amen Corner.

I’ll bet the guy who emailed it in was an ex-boyfriend, just waiting to get back at Lexi. I mean, come on, a tenth of an inch?

I think the right to call-in should be expanded to cover all sports. I can guarantee Alabama would never beat Auburn again if I could call in and report all the infractions I see. I’d call in a 15-yard penalty every time Nick Saban stepped on the field during play. Every play would involve holding. Yep, next year could be a great year, but then again those pesky ‘Bama fans might call in, too, and the average game would probably take about as long as it takes to walk from here to Alaska.

We could play the game on Saturday and then wait until Wednesday to see if any calls or scores get changed. Everybody could tune in at 7 p.m. to watch the results of all the emails and call-ins to see if your team really won after all.

I don’t know, I think I’m OK with how things are now. As for you golfers, watch what you are doing. Somebody is watching you!

Email columnist T. Gamble at [email protected].