T. GAMBLE: Living large in name-brand fashion

When I was a child, there were many things that just were not acceptable forms of human behavior. Manners were taught at an early age, although they often did not stick and needed constant reminders.

Being polite to adults, opening doors for women, not cussing in front of polite company, were all just sort of expected … or else.

But of all the things that are now apparently unimportant, nothing baffles me more than today’s need to have the brand name of whatever item you own prominently displayed. I’m not sure what marketing genius convinced people they should do such a thing, but whoever it was should be in some sort of hall of fame for marketing.

When I was growing up, nobody wanted the tag, label, price tag or anything else identifying where the item came from. Now that could be because most of our stuff came from Sears, or Penney’s, or some lesser place, I don’t know. But in today’s world we need the brand name front and center.

Look at the newer Polo shirts. My God, the horse and Polo emblem could almost ride off the shirt and spring into action. Folks now actually pay to buy a t-shirt that says nothing but Coca- Cola across the front. They use to give that type thing away as a promotion.

I’d love to do an experiment. Give me two identical, very nice leather bags or purses. On one label it Louis Vuitton in bold letters. The other, label Sears. Sell the Vuitton for $500 and the Sears for $50. I guarantee the Vuitton will outsell the Sears 20 to 1.

People now want you to know that they spent lots of money for whatever they have. I’m not sure why. To me it is like wearing a giant button that says, “I am a complete idiot.” See, I just spent $500 too much for a purse and agreed to advertise for the company that sold it to me.

If the trend continues, and I see no reason to believe that it will not, before long folks will look like a NASCAR driver walking down the street. I’ll go to court in my Ralph Lauren super 100 coat with a giant Polo rider on the breast while wearing my Hart Schafer pants with the name down each leg, and wearing a pair of Johnston & Murphy Italian calfskin Derby shoes that have J&S stamped on the front of each toe. My tie will simply say Joseph Banks from top to bottom. My white shirt will say in bold black letters, Men’s Warehouse.

After a court room victory, I’ll give an interview, stating simply, “I wish to thank the jury on a wise decision but also to thank the Ralph Lauren, Johnston & Murphy, Hart Schafer, Joseph Banks team without which this would not have been possible.” Or, at least I would not have looked nearly as good doing it.

Just thinking about all this makes me need to go have a beer. A Miller Lite beer, in the old style bottle, six pack only, while wearing a Miller hat I bought at the race in my Ralph Lauren … oh well, you know the rest of the story.

Email T. Gamble at [email protected].