T GAMBLE: Looking — with dread — to the new age of college football

Well, in less than two months, college football will be kicking off again. This means several things. One, my productivity will decrease 50%, which my buddies remind me that 50% of zero is still zero. My liver will again seek a restraining order. I probably won’t have my team win the national title, but I at least think they may have a chance.

What really has me intrigued is the new rule that players can make money off their image. The old rule still applies that the college can’t pay a player to come play for them. We all know how well that rule works. The average major college football player’s dorm parking lot looks like a Mechum Auto Auction waiting to happen. Corvettes and Camaros. Hellcats. Mustangs. I know, they probably made enough money working a summer job to afford them.

I saw where Bo Nix, Auburn’s kinda’ star quarterback, signed his first deal with Milo Sweet Tea. I can hear it now, “Nix drops back to pass, he’s got a man open in the corner of the end zone. He fires a Milo Sweet Tea bullet between two defenders for a TOUCHDOWN AUBURN!” Maybe if he has three or more touchdowns, everyone will get a free gallon of sweet tea.

The post-game interview should be full of great quotes.

“Bo what do you have to say about the great upset victory over Akron tonight?”

“Well, first I’d like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And I could not have done it without my sponsor’s Under Armor sweat absorbing jersey, and no way could I have lasted in this heat without my Milo’s Sweet Tea. I appreciate my Keeps hair products for keeping what hair I have left to insure I looked good after that second touchdown pass, and remember I drive nothing but a Ford F-150 to and from the ballpark. Well, nothing until I land a deal with Ferrari and then, boy howdy, we gonna show you a touchdown celebration Auburn style. I must also thank Lume for their sponsorship of intimate deodorant. My girlfriend is especially appreciative.”

Ole Miss quarterback Pat Corral is even charging an appearance fee, demanding a $10,000-per-hour fee. I hate to tell Pat, but it better happen in Mississippi ‘cause nobody else knows who you are. Nothing like a $10,000 fee to endear a player to the alumni’s heart and soul. Before long, sponsors will pay the player per pass caught or yards gained.

“There goes Bo, he’s got 10, he’s got 20, 30, 40 … $80,000 dollars for that run. Man that was exciting.”

I wonder if the jerseys will be adorned with sponsor names like NASCAR? Forget those old outdated stickers on the helmet, let’s put Johnny’s Marijuana Dispensary on the back part and The Platinum Club on the front. I mean, after all, they are grown folks now. Who needs an education, right?