T. GAMBLE: New year starts in with a bite

2017 has now begun and at least for a Tampa, Fla., couple it began with a bang, or more accurately a bite.

According to the Associated Press, a 52-year-old woman decided to put a sweater on her pit bulldog mix to celebrate the New Year. This decision did not go over very well with the pit bull, who just wanted to bring in the New Year like he always had in the past, wearing no clothes at all. You know, sort of like Miley Cyrus brings it in each year.

The dog was, all things considered, appropriately named Scarface. He objected so vigorously that her husband had to come out and try to rescue her. Instead, both he, his wife and, eventually, his 22-year-old son were mauled and ended up in the hospital.

A team of officers tranquilized the dog, shot it with beanbags and finally subdued it.

I do not know why, but women have been trying to inappropriately dress anything they can get their hands on since the beginning of time. I bet Eve tried to get Adam to wear a turtleneck sweater and fancy slip-on loafers before she ate the apple.

Every woman alive will try to dress their 2-year-old boy in some type smock outfit with ruffles and then, for God’s sake, take pictures of it, make an oil portrait of it and hang it over the mantle. It will then be shown to friends and family members for centuries who will all say the same thing as they gaze up at the weathered portrait: “Is that a girl or a boy?”

Anyway, anybody with one ounce of common sense knows only a 10-point buck head should be put over the mantle.

They’ll also parade the poor boy all around town in the year 1492 outfit and then look astonished when someone comments they sure have a mighty cute little girl with them. So, I should not be surprised some woman from Tampa finally decided to dress up her dog for New Year’s. But a pit bulldog? A pit bulldog named Scarface?

Who exactly thought this would be a good way to ring in the New Year?

As a general rule, I am not a big fan of pit bulls, but I have to say I’m on his side in this one. Hasn’t she ever seen the t-shirts “Real Pit bulldogs don’t wear sweaters”? I’d rather try to put false fingernails on a cat than to try and put a sweater on a pit bulldog.

Good grief, they should have a reality television show to see who can do such a thing.

And where was the husband, up until he unfortunately intervened after the first bite? Have some pride. Stand up, man. Just say no. No, my pit bulldog will not wear a sweater, skirt, bells, reindeer ears, or booties. Period.

See how easy that is? See how easy all this could have been avoided?

Now, understand, your 2-year-old boy will still have to dress like a 14th century French valet boy, but that’s only because he can’t maul half the family while you try to dress him up.

New Year’s resolution No. 682: Never try to make a pit bulldog wear a sweater. Better yet, never try to make a pit bulldog do anything.

Email columnist T. Gamble at [email protected].