T GAMBLE: Parents suffer from a genetic predisposition

I have read a lot lately about scientists trying to map the genes of the human being to determine which gene influences each personality trait, or susceptibility to certain diseases, etc. There are a lot of genes, and they are nowhere near a full mapping. They’re even further away from determining what result each particular one might cause.

I want them to find out which gene causes a parent to be completely blind concerning their own child, and then maybe somebody can do something to control that gene. Every human on Earth has it. I have it. My wife has it times 12. My mother had it. Parents will think their child is performing great in a whole range of areas where the child has no business whatsoever. Music, sports, literary, modeling, on and on it goes where a parent has inserted their child into an area that should never have been explored and the parents sit dumbly by thinking the child is wonderful while the rest of the world throws up in the trash can.

I’m sure other parents watched me play baseball as a kid wondering why on Earth I was out there. I was a very scrawny, small child. My glove was larger than me. If I really got hold of a ball, I could hit it to deep shortstop at best. I made up for this lack of size with poor coordination, the speed of a tortoise, and lack of commitment to practice. My coach was legendary baseball genius and total baseball junkie Harry Spilman. His child ended up playing major league baseball. I know each year I showed up for Little League, he had to have looked around and said, “Please tell me we have at least 10, so I don’t have to play him.”

I have watched in horror as kids entered singing contests who could not sing a lick. Their parents sat by smiling with mesmerized gazes as the unknown gene blocked all musical hearing from their reaches. There will always be one well-meaning parent, feeling obligated and sorry for them, who will say how much they enjoyed the child’s singing. This encouragement only strengthens the gene so that the parent will now enter them in more contests for singing and complain when the child comes in last that the judges don’t see their obvious talent.

I knew an acquaintance in Macon once who as an adult decided to offer himself to sing solos at his small church. The church endured his off-key singing as long as it could stand it and finally asked him not to do that anymore. You would think that would deter anyone from further such efforts, but this guy was raised by a gene-inspired parent who praised his singing. He saw me one day and told me of the sad end to his solo career, but then told me he was now going to maximum security prisons and singing for the inmates. I asked him weren’t they already being punished enough? I don’t think that remark phased him one bit.

I also wonder why this gene does not transfer to a wife watching her husband? The wife looks at the husband who sings like Pavarotti and says to onlookers, “He’s pretty good but you should hear Junior sing.” I guarantee you, Ted Williams’ wife said Ted is good but Teddy Junior is who you need to see hit a baseball. I guess it is because they are not genetically linked.

So, please, hurry it up and find this gene. I don’t want to see anymore Facebook posts of bad singing kids or folks that think their 5-foot-4 kid is headed to the NBA. Enough with the endless bragging and self-promotion. But if you see me bragging because my kid came in third in a two man race, please understand it is not my fault. My gene’s made me do it.