T. GAMBLE: Taylor’s choice: The rich cat or the football guy

While watching professional football in the playoffs, it has been impossible to ignore the love affair of Taylor Swift and the Kansas City Chief’s star tight end Travis Kelce.

Swift is now the richest female entertainer/singer in the world. In comparison, Kelce may as well work at Dairy Queen. He makes a few million a year, and she makes like a billion a year. To really put things into perspective, Taylor Swift’s cat currently has a net worth of $97 million. To my knowledge, Travis does not even have a cat, although his brother’s wife has been trying to get him to get a cat. Maybe his brother’s wife is on to something.

Pet Rich List says Swift’s cat is the third-richest pet in America behind some unknown (to me) German Shepard and Nala Cat, an Instagram star of some sort.

Lord, please tell me where I went wrong. Swift is worth well over a billion dollars, and she then finds a cat that is worth $97 million. My cats on the other hand, all three of them, do not have a combined net worth of $12 dollars. Taylor does not need a money making cat. I do.

I don’t ask for much, maybe just royalties off a Meow Mix commercial or something. Taylor’s cat is a Scottish Fold. I don’t know what a Scottish Fold is, but it certainly sounds a lot more important than an orange Tabby. I should have known she would have some type aristocratic cat. It is named Olivia Benson. My, my, my.

My cats are named Zika, after the pandemic that never took off right before COVID, sort of like the cat, come to think of it. Then there is Knuck Knuck, a half-breed male Maine Coon, and a small tabby named Boneless after the great Viking warrior Boneless who had a rare genetic disease that made his bones soft so he could not walk. Boneless has a limp tail, thus the moniker.

My cats’ names sound like hood rats, which they are, while Taylor’s cat’s name sounds like her cat was obtained from the Rothschilds.

Zika rarely leaves my upstairs bedroom. Knuck Knuck, who is about the size of a very large raccoon, rarely comes in the house, and Boneless, well, rarely does anything at all. But, Olivia Benson has endorsements, social media appearances, has appeared in music videos, had a merchandise line and has been in Diet Coke and sneakers commercials. In other words, Olivia Benson has been 100 times more successful in life than me, in a much shorter time, with less education. So much for all that go to school and get a good education bull.

Olivia Benson is unique looking because her breed has a genetic mutation that causes the cat to not have cartilage in places where other cats do. As a result, her ears flop forward, among other things.

Well, Boneless has a genetic issue where her tail has no bone. Certainly that should be worth at least a cameo at the Super Bowl. Knuck Knuck would be happy to be in any commercial requiring him to eat cat food, as he would eat a bowl of gunpowder if you put it in front of him. Zika is 6 pounds, solid black with bright green eyes. She has Halloween commercial written all over her, if you can ever find her.

I guess I just need more animals. It is only a matter of time before one of them makes a big breakthrough. I might add ole Travis better watch out. He is behind Taylor and her cat on the money list. If the La-Z Boy seat in the den is open, who will get it? $97 million Olivia or $7 million Travis?

I haven’t seen Travis in a music video or with a merchandise line. Once his football career is over, he might get kicked to the curb while Taylor just keeps getting a new Scottish Fold cat. I mean, once you’ve seen one Scottish Fold you’ve seen them all, so who will know the difference?

I suppose time will tell. I’ll just watch the Super Bowl with my cats and maybe work on their resumes during the commercials.