T GAMBLE: The aerodynamics of nude Russians

The world just keeps on spinning, and with every turn it gets a little crazier. I just saw where a Russian man attempted to fly somewhere completely in the nude. He claimed it would make him more aerodynamic.

I suppose that depends on if he has anything large enough to create significant wind drag, but I won’t explore that particular thought process any further.

Over the years, I have experienced all types of unpleasant air travel. I sat beside a guy one time who had not bathed since the Eisenhower administration. People who weigh over 400 pounds actually call the airline ahead of time to see if they can sit next to me.

Unattended children gravitate toward me like I’m Santa Claus. Chatterboxes who insist on telling me every detail about their college freshman child, whom I have never even heard of, pound me with excited nothingness.

Airplane seats and prisons are pretty much the same. Both contain a captive audience. I do think the food is probably slightly better at a prison. They should make a reality TV show and have contestants eat prison food, airline food and hospital food. You must stay at least 21 days on this diet. I’m betting the tap-out rate would be at least 50 percent.

But in prison, at some point, at least you know exactly when you are being released. God only knows when you will arrive, or depart, on most airlines these days.

But back to the original topic. I do not wish to fly with a naked man sitting next to me, even if he is aerodynamic. News reports indicate the guy was 38-years-old, and there is video footage of him waiting patiently in line to board the airplane completely nude.

I guess that is one way to speed up this whole take off your belt and shoes to get through security routine. You know, just strip it down and stroll on through.

The would-be passenger was apprehended by airline security right before boarding. They must have a crack security detail over there in Russia to nab him right before he got on the plane. He yelled out that he has more agility when undressed as they drug him to the nearest insane asylum.

Oh boy, that is just wonderful. An agile, naked man sitting next to me. On a positive note, authorities stated he was not drinking at the time he decided to improve his agility by getting naked.

I have witnessed a few people get naked in public, but usually only after they had spent quality time with Jim Beam or Jack Daniels. I’m still scratching my head over the agility part. I did not know you needed to be agile to fly as a passenger, but maybe I need to take up Yoga or something. Then again, if I did do that, I might get naked and try to fly somewhere.

I guess I’ll just keep on flying like I always do, and hopefully nobody from Russia will sit next to me.

Email T Gamble at [email protected].