T. GAMBLE: The things folks could hear on party lines today

When I grew up in rural southwest Georgia, I spent a ton of time at both my grandparents’ homes. I’m not sure if that was because we had a tight-knit family and family was emphasized, or because my parents wanted to get rid of me for periods of time. Either way, there I was often at one home or the other.

This period was in a time when things were rapidly changing. Color TV was just making its way into homes. Central air and heat were not in many homes and many had no air conditioning whatsoever, including both my grandparents’ and my own home. I don’t know how we survived. A child today would be removed from a home without either.

One set of grandparents did not have indoor bathrooms, but rather an out-house. I promise, in the dead of winter one could find out just how quick business could be conducted.

This era was also on the tale end of the large extended families where many had five or six or more siblings. Each family gathering involved numerous aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, and on and on it went. In some ways, this was great as you had a huge number of folks caring for you. On the other hand, you had a huge number of folks caring for you.

Now for a 10-year-old boy, that was often too much. Great Aunt Florence always insisted I needed a haircut and I needed to hold my shoulders back ‘less I end up like Aunt Susie, who was bent over somewhat. Nobody knew about osteoporosis back then. They just thought this stooping happened because of poor early posture.

Every other aunt or uncle added more suggestions about what I needed to do to improve. Going to a family gathering was like being a cow at a cattle auction. Enter the ring and wait as everyone critiques the animal. Based on the usual comments, I was most likely a cull cow.

Kids were required to stay in rooms away from the adults, and if you needed something you carefully approached the entrance to the room where the adults were gathered and asked to speak to your father or mother. And it better be for a good reason, not just because you needed a drink of water. Once, I was in the kitchen/den where the lone TV was located while all the adults had moved to the living room. I’d just recently gotten into football, and the Jets were playing the Colts. Those teams hated each other. I was enjoying watching a good game. Aunt Florence came in, summarily switched the channel to some awful local program like the Rozell Show and said, “There, you have no business watching that garbage.” and left the room.

I was the only person in the room, but I did not dare change the channel. I still don’t know who won that game.

My favorite situation involved the telephone. Back then, you could pay extra to have a private line, meaning only you were on whatever number you had. If you did not pay, you were on a party line. Party lines had three or four houses on the same line. The phone would ring different for each household. So while one family might hear two quick rings in succession, another might get one long ring, a third three shrill rings.

My Grandmother Gamble had a party line. I don’t know if she was too cheap to get a private line or too broke, but she shared with Ms. Gertrude McGill, a widow lady, Mr. and Ms. Otis Jones, and somebody else. Grandmother would say when the phone rang, “That’s Gertrude’s, don’t answer it” etc. I soon knew each person’s ring.

Now, if another number rang, you could pick up and listen in, not that there was much to listen to. Typical calls would go like this, “I heard Frank has the gout again.” “Yes, my Lord, that is painful.” “Betty Sue missed church again this week, I wonder what ails her.” “We shelled a quart of butter peas last night and put them in the freezer.”

Regardless, for some reason, from time to time, I could not resist easing the phone off the receiver and listening in. Of course, I was only 10 years old and about as quiet as the aforementioned cow. So, invariably, Ms. Gertrude would say fairly soon after I picked up on the line, “Little T, is that you? Get off that phone.” I would immediately hang up and run out of the room as if that would absolve me from any proof of my eavesdropping.

Some days I long to go back to the party line and listen to Mrs. Gertrude talk about the gout. But then I think about what would all those great aunts and uncles have to critique me about now. I think I’ll just keep it there in the special memory bank.