T GAMBLE: There’s a reason something smells in Hollywood

As Afghanistan falls into rape and pillage, I am anxiously awaiting advice from pro athletes and movie stars as to what should be done. I rarely take action in life without first being advised by people who perform nothing of real value and usually have an education somewhere between none and first grade.

But even I may have a hard time following the newest wave of lifestyle examples set by the Hollywood crowd. You see, it seems Lizzo has announced she is following in the footsteps of actor Matthew McConaughey and swearing off the use of deodorant. She did so by saying on 8-19-21 via social media, “I stopped using deodorant.” She did not need to verbally tell those who associate with her on a day-to-day basis, as they all sighed and said, “Yes, we know.”

Now McConaughey says he has not used deodorant for at least 35 years, which explains why he is generally seen alone. He has also said he may run for Texas Governor. My advice to him is to schedule all campaign stops in the very early morning hours. I don’t think anyone will wish to see him about five o’clock after campaigning all day in the Texas heat. Of course, he may use this to his advantage and become the candidate that not only cares the most but also smells the most. You know all things are bigger in Texas, including perhaps the way the governor smells.

Listen, I live in Georgia where the humidity is 98 percent on good days and more on bad days. You can go around all day long in Maine without deodorant if you wish, but don’t come around here in Georgia with your stinking self while I’m trying to enjoy my miserable overheated life. If you do come, stay more than the 6-foot rule for COVID-19 away from me. And expect your armpits to look like a dog’s rear end when the gnats figure out you are on a stinkfest health kick that does not include deodorant.

Topping this off, Angelina Jolie announced her efforts to save the planet a few years ago, included using only one sheet of toilet paper per rest stop. Obviously, she does not eat at Waffle House. She also needs to look out for the gnats. She says this effort will save trees and the environment.

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis both announced they will go one step further and quit bathing on a regular basis, only doing so when noticeably dirty. Ashton said he will “wash daily only my armpits and crotch.” I immediately filed this statement under too much information and barfed in the toilet.

I was discussing this new trend with some of my fellow South Georgia male friends recently, who by what I can tell have not yet started this new trend. One said he once knew an older fellow tell him he quit bathing regularly once he got older because it stripped the body of essential oils that provide us with immunity. This fellow said he no longer got colds, or anything else, since he began the much fewer bath routine. I suspect he quit getting colds because nobody came around him anymore, but that’s just me. I would note the guy is now dead so something got him.

I think I’ll continue to be my fresh-deodoranted self and leave it to Angelina and Matthew to save the stinking world.