T GAMBLE: Understanding the new higher education

Students have just begun their freshman year in the college of their choice. For many this means rush week where they hope to be picked to be in the fraternity or sorority of their dreams. One recent freshman enrollee, Grant Sikes, is now disappointed in the process.

You see, Grant is a biological male who now identifies as a female, and he wanted to join a sorority. To be honest, I also wanted to join a sorority when I went to college. Of course, that was before it was fashionable to be a transgender. In fact, I’d never heard of transgender when I went to college. The closest we had was Tiny Tim. I still don’t know exactly what he was.

Anyway, I’m not a big fan of the whole transgender movement, but that is a different subject for a different day. My issue today with Grant is not about his choice to decide to be a female. No, it is much more disturbing than that. I think Grant makes poor choices in general. Grant decided to apply to all the sororities and sought to enjoy rush at the University of Alabama.

Now, let me see … I’m planning on a groundbreaking acceptance in a sorority as a male who identifies as a female and somehow I decide that Alabama would be a good choice to try and join to increase my odds?

Listen, I did not go to Alabama. I went to Auburn. Alabama is way down there in Tuscaloosa. Auburn will not win any awards for liberal thinking. Alabama makes Auburn look like the University of Berkley at California in comparison.

In fact maybe he should have tried Berkley, or the University of San Francisco, instead. As you might imagine, all of the 20 or so sororities turned poor Grant down. He said, “Being dropped from my last house this morning during primary recruitment at the University of Alabama doesn’t come as a surprise, considering out of the almost 20 chapters I was dropped by every single one except two before day one.”

I’m surprised he made day one with two of them, to tell you the truth.

I can just see it now. “Johnny, Cindy is coming home this weekend and she got accepted by the sorority of her choice. She is so excited she is bringing one of the other girls that got in, too.”

“Oh, really dear, that’s great. We will have to celebrate. What is the other girl’s name?”

“Well her name is Grant.”

“Grant? Hell, he damn near burned down Montgomery. What kind of name is ‘Grant?’”

“ “Dear, Grant is a transsexual who just got into her sorority.”

“I don’t care what she drives. I drove a Trans Am myself for a while. Cut the catalytic convertor off, put on headers and glasspacks and that baby would run. Loud, too! Loved it until I wrapped it around Fred Johnson’s Bait and Tackle. But why did they name her Grant?”

“Johnny, Grant is man, who identifies as female, so he is allowed to be in the sorority.”

“A man who thinks he is a woman? Does he ever look down while he is relieving himself? You mean he gets to go to the same bathroom, and take showers there, and stuff like that? Football starts in two weeks. I’ve got to worry about Kirby Smart and whether we have enough money to now legally pay these players to stay at Alabama. I can’t be worrying about Grant taking a shower with little Buttercup. No sirree. Either he goes, or she goes. They aren’t letting all that go on at Auburn are they?”

Well, Grant recorded his adventures on Tik Tok and had over a million followers. If I want to pursue snow skiing in college I probably should go to Colorado. Rodeo, maybe Wyoming or Texas. Deep sea fishing, University of Florida. Transsexual sorority acceptance, maybe Harvard. Not Bob Jones University.

I’m just saying so next time the 1 million viewers will not be disappointed.