CARLTON FLETCHER: What today’s kids need are better cartoons

Don’t want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard.

— Paul Simon

As we age in life, we tend to spend a lot of time reminiscing about the “good ole days.” There are any number of topics that draw our attention when we grow nostalgic … old friends, the antics we got up to as teens, the songs we remember, the triumphs and the struggles …

Me? I tend to think a lot about the cartoons we watched growing up.

One thing about cartoons: While we realize how infantile they are — except, of course, for the smarter ones that are really aimed at grown-ups i.e. “Bullwinkle and Rocky,” “The Flintstones” — when we get a little older, there’s something about those animated characters that entertain us as kids.

In the process of living a life, we typically go through a number of phases: kids, adolescence, young adulthood, parents, middle age, grandparents, senior living — and you can throw a smart-ass phase in there somewhere, whether it’s as a “precocious” toddler, a snotty teen, a know-it-all young adult or a grumpy old man. During each phase, usually those among us who have kids and/or grandkids get a dose of each new generation’s cartoons.

If I walk in the door and hear the distinct sounds of “Bluey,” “Paw Patrol” or “Baby Shark,” I know Lizzy is visiting, has taken control of the TV and is watching her favorites.

I watch (forcibly, but still) these new-age cartoons, and I think I’ve figured out what’s wrong with kids today. They don’t have the great cartoons to educate and entertain them. (What goes better with sugar-frosted cereal bombs than a good dose of “Wally Gator?” … You remember: “Wally Gator is a swinging alligator in the swamp …”)

(SIDE NOTE: When I start thinking about my favorite cartoons, most of them had “theme songs” that I remember more than the cartoon itself.)

The cartoons we watched — and, remember, we could only get one channel back then — were some of the things I remember most about growing up. I’ll go out on a limb and say “Underdog” was my favorite (to hear Wally Cox humbly say, “Bless you, sir,” after being told “Shoeshine Boy (his alter ego), you’re humble and loveable” stayed with me when I could never quite remember the names of American presidents. There was also the theme song: “Speed of lightning, roar of thunder, fighting all who rob or plunder” and, one more, “Look, up in the sky … It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a frog. … Not bird nor plane nor even frog, it’s just little ole me, Underdog.”

Completing a top-of-mind Top 10, in no particular order:

— Quickdraw McGraw and his sidekick Babalooie … I loved it when Quickdraw (a horse, by the way) became “El Kabong.”

— Hokie Wolf and his pal Dingaling.

— Huckleberry Hound … “Oh my daaaaarlin’, Clementine.”

— Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har … the great joke there was that the dour Hardy was a “laughing hyena.”

— Sinbad the Sailor (and his magic belt).

— Wacky Racers … I had a thing for Penelope Pitstop.

— The Flintstones and The Jetsons … two families from very different times: the stone age, and the future, respectively. (A couple of the best names from the Flintstones? Stoney Curtis and Anne Margrock.)

— Tom and Jerry … I always felt sorry for Tom and pulled for him to catch that pesky mouse.

— Popeye … I loved his mumbly way of talking that Robin Williams perfected in the live-action movie. And there was the “da-dun-dun da-dun-duh duh” when he opened and ate his can of spinach.

When I compare these classics — and let’s not forget our era’s live-action heroes, “The Three Stooges,” Curly, Larry and Moe, please, no Shemp — to the things my kids and their kids watch … “CatDog?” “Dexter’s Laboratory?” “The Power Puff Girls?” “Rug Rats?” I can’t help but feel a little sorry for them.

Oh, and if I hear that “Baby Shark” song one more time, I think I’ll take John Prine’s advice and blow up my TV.