SCOTT LUDWIG: A war by any other name …

“I’m not going to start wars, I’m going to stop wars.” — Donald Trump, in his 2024 presidential campaign

Let’s be clear. Whatever it is that is going on with Iran at the moment, it is not a war. Looks can be deceiving. At least that’s what we’re being told by those allegedly in the know.

However, whatever else you’d like to call it is perfectly acceptable. Let’s turn this over to the audience. What would you call it?

— Military operation? That’s original. Next?
— Military conflict? Riding on the coattails of that first one, are we?
— Mini-war? That’s awfully close to calling it what it isn’t, which would be a war. Try again.
— Skirmish? I like that one. But it sounds more like three people fighting over a flat-screen at Walmart on Black Friday.
— Journey down to Iran? That one is a little too close to the fire, isn’t it?
— Excursion? Could you be more specific?
— Minor? Sorry, not strong enough.
— Little? That’s sort of the same thing.
— Short? It’s anything but that. How about another?
— Short-term? Uh, no.
— Skirmish? Get serious.
— Covfefe? Do you mean kerfuffle?
— War? We have a winner!!!

OK, so I didn’t really have an audience. In fact, there was only one person who’s been throwing out those names for our senseless and completely unnecessary attack on Iran. In fact, that one person is the man who started the war/definitely-not-a-war in the first place: Donald Trump, the current Commander-in-Covfefe of the United States of America. (That reminds me: Trump really didn’t use the term “cofveve” in reference to whatever is going on in Iran. It’s actually one of those good words his big brain used on a late night rant on social media.)

And, incidentally, Trump actually has called the conflict in Iran a war. Downplay it all you want, or call it whatever you’d like – a slip of the tongue, a militarily Freudian slip – it is what it is, and that’s a bona fide war. Any time countries are engaged in an armed conflict of aggression, violence, and sustained military operations is, my friends, the very definition of war.

And even as long as the war has been going on, the general public is still unsure of why it began in the first place. Or how Trump was able to start it without the approval of Congress as the Constitution requires. (That’s to ensure a single leader doesn’t get our nation involved in unnecessary conflict.)

Or how much damage has been incurred by either country. Or when the war might end. Or, for that matter, if the war is already over. On more than one occasion, the Trump administration, including the man in charge himself, has stated that we’ve already won. Clearly that isn’t true. All you have to do is turn on the television or pick up a newspaper to see that it remains one of the lead stories.

So why, pray tell, say that we’ve already won? You can’t cheat at war like you can at golf. It’s not like you can kick a bomb closer to Tehran and say you got a birdie. A war isn’t won until one of the sides achieves its political and/or military objectives and forces the other side to wave the white flag, give into certain demands, or get to the point where they’re no longer able to keep fighting.

And at this point in time, we’re not even close. Sure, Trump can make posters illustrating how long other wars have lasted: Afghanistan War – 543 weeks. Iraq War – 457 weeks. Vietnam War – 437 weeks. Etc.

So why did he put “Iran Excursion – 6 weeks” at the bottom of his chart if this, in fact, isn’t a war? I’ll tell you why. It’s because that’s exactly what it is. A war. A war that no one wanted. Except for the man who promised not to start them. Whatever happens, this one’s totally on him.

Incidentally, Pope Leo XIV, who I imagine knows a little bit more about human conflict than Trump and his team of Captains Outrageous, condemns what is happening in Iran. He said, “God does not bless any conflict” and has called for an immediate end to “the madness of war.”

Ah, there’s that word again. As for Pope Leo’s use of the word “madness,” I can’t think of a better adjective to describe the Trump administration. Which may very well be the point he was trying to make.