SCOTT LUDWIG: Advocate reminds students: I am somebody

When Ty Smalley was 11 years old, his father imagined his son might one day become an anthropologist, or maybe a geologist. Since Ty also loved animals, there was also the possibility his son would choose an occupation that allowed him to care for his four-legged friends. A veterinarian, perhaps.

However, all those hopes and aspirations suddenly disappeared the afternoon of May 13, 2010, the day Ty chose to tragically end his life.

The world of Kirk and Laura Smalley of Perkins, Okla., had revolved around their only child. Ty was all boy. He wasn’t always an angel, but he was most certainly theirs.

Ty loved baseball. Every year for his birthday the family took in a St. Louis Cardinal’s game, Ty’s favorite team.

Ty’s routine was pretty much the same every day: school, chores, homework. Always in that order. After that, the rest of the day was all his.

But every afternoon after school, before he got to any of those, Ty ran down the street to check on Miss Lila, a 90-year old widow who lived all alone. Ty enjoyed helping Miss Lila in her garden, making sure to pick up any pine cones on the ground so she wouldn’t trip over them.

Miss Lila wasn’t the only person Ty helped in times of need. One day a small Native American boy on the school bus was being picked on by a known bully. Ty put himself between the two of them, preventing the smaller boy from incurring any harm.

It’s worth noting that Ty was also small for his age, which resulted in him being picked on by school bullies himself for a number of years. Mom and dad, despite repeated pleas for help from the school principal, were unable to get across the dire urgency of their requests.

Then one day Ty, a sixth-grader at the time, was sitting in the school gym when a student who had been bullying him for years did more of the same. Only this time, Ty struck back. As is often the case, the one to retaliate was the one who got caught. Ty was suspended for three days. Laura, who worked in the school cafeteria so she could be with her son 24/7, drove him home. Since she had to return to work because the school was short-staffed on this particular Wednesday, mom left her son with instructions to do his homework and chores.

When Laura returned home at 2:38 p.m. later that day, she discovered her beloved son … lying lifeless in a pool of blood on the bedroom floor.

Devastated by the loss of his son, a grieving dad committed himself to doing everything in his power to put an end to bullying. Mom was on board as well; that is, as long as her husband promised to never stop.

One thing became perfectly clear: Kirk Smalley will never stop.

He says he won’t stop because “I want to see Ty again.” When that day is finally here, dad wants to be able tell his son that he shared his message and warning all over the world. And that he encouraged every child to say, without any reservation whatsoever, that they are indeed somebody.

Shortly after Ty’s death, Kirk and Laura founded Stand for the Silent, now one of the leading and most impactful anti-bullying organizations in the world. Their mission is to bring awareness to bullying and to illustrate the immense devastation it can cause.

The organization operates solely on donations and is promoted primarily through Facebook, Instagram and X. There are currently chapters in 37 states and 18 countries that assist in raising both awareness and funds, the latter to support scholarships, a program providing backpacks filled with supplies for needy children, and other meaningful and impactful ventures. To date, Stand for the Silent has made presentations to more than 4.5 million kids in 6,500 schools and other facilities all over the world.

Tragedy struck the Smalley family again in 2020 when Laura passed away. The official cause of death was a brain aneurysm, although Kirk, who watched a mother grieve every day over the loss of her son, is convinced his wife died of a broken heart.

Once he was left all alone, Kirk left his job in building construction and committed himself full-time to Stand for the Silent. Today, his staff has grown to include 18 other dedicated souls.

Kirk says that one out of every four children in the United States has a plan for how to take their own lives before graduating from high school.

Statistics provided by the CDC in 2024 back him up. Overall:

· 39.7% of students experienced persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness;

· 28.5% experienced poor mental health;

· 20.4% seriously considered attempting suicide;

· 9.5% had actually attempted suicide.

While their mission remains a work in progress, Stand for the Silent has already made quite an impression on the young people of today. At each session, he talks about Ty and four other young people sharing a similar story, all depicted by their framed photographs resting on an otherwise empty chair. The fifth and final chair, of course, is always reserved for Ty. The lineup for the other four chairs changes constantly.

One thing that remains the same is every program ending with Kirk telling the audience “you are somebody,” followed by everyone in attendance responding in unison, “I am somebody.”

Here is just a small sampling from the plethora of encouragement Kirk has received over the past 15 years:

Our entire student body and staff were touched and are poised for action to break the cycle of bullying.

Because of your program, I have helped others get through bullying and even saved lives.

Your speech to my school really touched my heart and made me realize that there is something to live for. For a while I didn’t know what I was living for.

I just felt like no one would care if I died, but while listening to your story, I felt very sorry for you and I didn’t want that to happen to my family. Thank you for saving us. Ty would have been very proud of you.

One letter Kirk received that is always on his mind was from a mother who heard him speak, and immediately shared his message with her two sons. Afterwards, one of her sons went into his bedroom and returned to hand over the rope he was planning on hanging himself with. “Here, I don’t need this anymore,” he said.

Up until that moment, the mother never had any inkling of her son’s suicidal thoughts.

Kirk’s mission keeps him on the road most of the time. While he’s away, the task of looking after his many animals – Kirk lives on a farm that has been in the family for more than 100 years – falls on the shoulders of his intern, Jaycie. When the time comes for Kirk to pass the leadership torch of Stand for the Silent, Jaycie wants to be the one he passes it to.

For further information, search standforthesilent.org. For the youth crisis help line, dial 1-855-201-2121.