T. GAMBLE: Just when did Stormy become a ‘star?’

Everywhere I turn these days I have to hear about Stormy Daniels and her alleged affair with the president, who wasn’t a president when this whole thing happened. I really don’t care whether he did anything with her or not. What bothers me is that every report says “Stormy Daniels, porn star, said …”

I’m wondering exactly when did Stormy become a star. I’m willing to bet if I asked my friends, prior to this event, if they had ever even heard of her they’d say no. Well, maybe some of my friends may have heard of her, but you get the picture. Ask most folks if they ever heard of her and they would say no. I mean name one single thing, movie, show, live performance you ever heard about with her in it before this occurred.

So why in the world do the media say she is a star?

I’m not particularly worried about Stormy, but now Trump’s wife, Melania, may feel differently about Stormy. I can imagine the conversation.

“So you were with this so-called porn star were you?” the president’s wife might say. “Well, actually she is a sex care specialist and she was simply helping me to better myself, if it’s possible to believe I could ever be bettered, so I can be more attentive to you,” might be his smooth reply. “How about remembering my birthday or bringing home flowers instead of sleeping with a hooker?” she might respond.

“She is not a hooker, she’s a porn star. She gets paid to have sex with men, and sometimes women, while being filmed,” Trump might answer. “Paid to have sex. That’s a hooker in my book,” shoots back the first lady. “Oh, no, it is illegal in the United States to be paid to have sex. That is prostitution. I’m the president, I know these things,” the president might respond.

“So you cannot be paid to have sex in America because that’s prostitution, but you can be paid to have sex so long as you are being filmed and then the film is sold and shown to a bunch of people showing you having paid sex on camera. That’s legal?” asks Melania. “Of course it’s legal. The Supreme Court says its protected by the First Amendment,” Trump answers. “It’s free speech or free something at least. I think Thomas Jefferson said , ‘Congress shall make no law to prohibit filming folks having sex.’ Stormy is just an actress plying her craft. I just auditioned for a part in one of her movies. That’s all.”

“So if you paid her to have sex with you, she could be charged with a crime, but if someone else paid her to have sex with you, and filmed it, that’s not a crime?” the now thoroughly confused first lady asks.

“How many times do I have to tell you. It is not a crime to be paid to have sex so long as you film it and the person paying you is not the person having sex with you,” Trump responds. “That makes sense doesn’t it? Oh, and then the person filming it also sells it to other people to watch. It’s only a crime if you slink off into some seedy hotel where nobody knows you are doing it. It’s OK if you broadcast it to thousands of people.”

“OK, if John wants to pay to have sex with Stormy he needs to let Tommy pay Stormy for having sex with John and then make sure it is filmed and Stormy is then a star? Right?” Malania asks.

The president smiles and responds, “You got it babe. Isn’t it a wonderful country we live in?”

Email T. Gamble at [email protected].