WILL THAULT: Who’s the real Boss ‘Hog?

Unless you’ve been in hibernation the past few days, you’ve probably heard the news by now that Punxsutawney Phil failed to see his shadow last Friday, meaning we can now look forward to an early spring. Yes, it was Groundhog Day.

Groundhog Day is a curious annual celebration that draws worldwide media attention to Punxsutawney — a small Pennsylvania town a few miles northeast of Pittsburgh and home to Phil, the furry marmot meteorologist of Gobbler’s Knob.

Tom Dunkel, president of the Groundhog Club Inner Circle, who claims to speak “groundhog-ese,” issued Phil’s prognostication proclamation for 2024, “Glad tidings on this Groundhog Day! An early spring is on the way!”

While this may be a comforting thought, don’t be too hasty. Although Phil and his ancestors have been forecasting spring’s arrival since the 1880s, let’s just say his track record has been a bit less than impressive. According to the National Centers for Environmental Information at NOAA (the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), Punxsutawney Phil has been right only 30% of the time in the past 10 years.

Side remark: I don’t know which is sillier — the time I spent digging up this report or the time NOAA took to come up with it.

Back on topic … If you’ve bothered reading this far, you’re in for a real treat. I have some groundhog trivia to share that will allow you to amaze your friends and illuminate your AI-obsessed grandchildren.

But first, as a fellow Georgian, I’m proud to say our state is home to the South’s Official Weather Prognosticator and the most reliable groundhog spring seer in the country, General Beauregard Lee. While he hasn’t been around nearly as long as Phil, “Beau” has a most impressive record, “averaging 63% accuracy across all nine regions (of the country) from 2012 to 2021,” according to ABC News FiveThirtyEight stats.

Beau comfortably resides in his own miniature antebellum mansion at the Dauset Trails Nature Center in Jackson, north of Macon off Interstate 75. Word has it that he enjoyed Waffle House hash browns on Groundhog Day as a reward for his efforts. Beau has quite a pedigree, too. There’s an unverified report that he boasts an honorary doctorate in “Weather Prognostication” from the University of Georgia and “Southern Groundhogology” from Georgia State University.

Now for the trivia:

1. All 50-states celebrate Groundhog Day, except Alaska which changed the occasion to Marmot Day in 2009 … go figure.

2. Some states have substituted their groundhog with an armadillo, an opossum, a black bear, a hedgehog, a skunk, and even a rattlesnake … again, go figure.

3. Groundhog oddities and bad press through the years: Staten Island Chuck bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg in 2009 and former New York Mayor Bill de Blasio dropped Charlotte, who subsequently died in 2014; Jimmy, the Wisconsin groundhog bit then-Mayor of Sun Prairie Jonathan Freund; last year animal-rights group PETA put pressure on Ohio not to use Buckeye Chuck for their annual event due to his breeder being improperly licensed. The solution? Poor Chuck was replaced with a stuffed groundhog. Good news, however. A new Buckeye Chuck returned to the spotlight live and in person this year.

4. PETA remains steadfast in its mission, though, this time insisting that Punxsutawney Phil retire and be replaced with a coin toss. Nevertheless, the good citizens of Phil’s hometown have thus far refused to chuck their tradition.

5. The origins of Groundhog Day go back to the early Christians in Europe who celebrated Candlemas Day on Feb. 2 in anticipation of spring. In those days, farmers needed some indication as to when spring planting should begin. The emergence of hibernators, such as the hedgehog or badger usually in early February provided that early sign. This happened to neatly coincide with the religious holiday.

It was soon believed if Candlemas Day was sunny and the hibernator saw its shadow, more wintry weather was ahead. However, the opposite would hold true if it rained or snowed on that day. We are told that Germans migrating to eastern Pennsylvania brought the tradition to America and, upon finding an abundance of the burrowing creatures throughout the colony, chose the groundhog as the perfect replacement for the hibernators left behind in Europe.

6. Groundhogs are also known as woodchucks, marmots, chucks, whistlepigs, thickwood badgers, moonacks, weenusks, red monks and land beavers, among others.

So, who’s the Boss Hog when it comes to spring prognostication? Sorry Punxsutawney Phil. It’s no contest. General Beauregard Lee of Jackson is the undisputed champion of all the furry forecasters.

I leave you with a tongue-twisting riddle and an open-ended answer that only Beau knows for sure:

Q: “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

A: “He would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”