CARLTON FLETCHER: A fond farewell to our Mardi Gras, marathon visitors

Come and take me to the Mardi Gras.

— Paul Simon

To all the folks either on their way home or getting ready to leave town after Saturdays Snickers Marathon and Mardi Gras celebration: Bye. Thank y’all for coming. Come back again.

There will be those who insist The Herald is foolishly publishing this a day late, that it would have been more helpful coming out on a Friday or even Saturday. Maybe. But I say let the visitors enjoy themselves in the build-up to and participation in the city’s signature events.

Now that they’re done, I happen to think those visitors deserve a few words of explanation.

— First of all, many of you will leave thinking how hospitable the folks here are, the ones manning the creative water stations along the race route, the ones standing on random street corners shouting words of encouragement, the ones at the finish line helping you reconnect with reality, after running 26 or 13 miles, by either a) helping you make your way to cool-down tents or b) reminding you that you are, in fact, still alive, you just look and feel the way you do because you just ran either 26 or 13 miles for no apparent reason.

Take it on first-hand faith that these people are not paid to act this way and they’re not meeting the requirements of some dumb bar bet by getting up on a chillish Saturday morning just to congratulate strangers who happened to run 26 or 13 miles. They’re really that nice … salt-of-the-earth folks who are proud of their community and proud you came to visit.

— Oh, and the dude at the finish line badly mispronouncing your name and making frequently inane comments that are in no way funny to you after you just finished running 26 miles? That’s Jaxon, and we love him. He’s become as much a part of the race as the out-of-shape weekend warriors who’re convinced they can run 26 miles without stopping because they made it to the end of their street twice last week but discovered reality on Saturday less than 3 miles in.

— That thing about celebrating Mardi Gras on March 7 … yeah, we know you probably had a good laugh about that one. Trust me, though, most of us — well, a good many of us — know about Fat Tuesday and we understand the significance of the real Mardi Gras. But the doo-dad vendors in the area needed an excuse to sell their excess beads, and it’s not like New Orleans is worried about us taking away any of the luster of their big celebration. So give us that one.

— Just in case you missed the signage: It’s called the Snickers Marathon because we have a Mars Chocolate plant here in town. (You know, the company that makes Snickers bars?) They’re the ones who gave away the Combos and the Snickers Energy Bars. Our folks may be hospitable, but they don’t typically go out and buy goodies to give away to strangers. Except on Halloween.

— The guy over on Third Avenue who asked if you “had a little something for a homeless man”? Sorry about that. I know if you read the last census report it said that there is only one homeless person in our county. Wrong. We have more than that holding elected office.

— And please excuse all the litter you saw along the race course. We’re kind of in an unofficial competition with Lee County just north of here to see which one can pile up the most garbage along our streets. We’ve been behind for quite a while, and some of our more industrious citizens are trying to catch us up.

— We have our issues and our little quirks here — like I’m sure most of your hometowns do, except for the ones in South Dakota — but we genuinely enjoy having you come to our little part of the world for our annual day of fun and excitement. Trust me, there’s way more good here than there is bad. So be safe on your trips home, thank you for helping us take a little pride in our community, and thank you for eating at our restaurants, staying in our hotels and shopping at our retailers.

Get some rest. We want to see you back here next year. We’ll have plenty of Combos and Mardi Gras beads to go around. Promise.